demar_desol t1_ixs08y3 wrote

At the height of my depression, my dissociation was so intense that it was actually the more severe symptom of the two issues. I didn’t talk, I wasn’t processing any sensory information for hours at a time. It was like I was in a coma. Contrary to common belief, Xanax is not just used for panic. My doc prescribed it three times a day to get me into/started at an IOP. Xanax saved my life, allowing me to actually wake up because my threat level was decreased by the medication, making my brain/body feel safe enough to basically come back online in a safer scenario. I was disappearing for years. I was gone at that point, my amazing doctor make an amazing and seemingly counterintuitive call that really changed the course of my life and got me feeling safe enough to check back in with the world around me.

Dissociation is like living in a fog for all of your senses. It’s a long term issue people struggle with, being that it’s a limbic nervous system response to danger (perceived or real). Just like fight, flight, freeze, fawn- but it can sort of lock you in that state. Just like panic disorder or panic attacks. It’s not just feeling groggy or sleepy or daydreaming. you get stuck in (or often cycle in and out of) your own body. It’s terrifying, but in depression, it really does the job of self preservation to stop the pain. It’s the body trying to help you. It’s responding to a threat. Goes hand in hand with PTSD and cortisol production. So wild. Very happy I don’t struggle with it as much anymore, but it still comes back sometimes when I hit overload.

Read the body keeps the score if you’re interested in learning more about trauma - it’s a great book to get started on if you are dealing with complex trauma and mental health issues of any capacity.