I think this is so common, even when we try to divide the child rearing, it always felt like I was taking most of the emotional labor. For our first child, also 7 years ago, we both worked full time but i breastfed so it didn’t make sense that he would get up in the night but I still felt like because of that, during the day he should have picked up more slack. Maybe he did but being overwhelmed and exhausted makes it hard to see. For a couple of years we decided that he should stay at home because I made more money and childcare was astronomical. Somehow I was still handling the little things like doctors appointments, enrolling in school, making grocery lists etc and working 50 hours a week. My boyfriend is a great father and we have 2 kids now, been together 14 years but my kids are harder on me, demand more of my attention and expect more from me than they do from him. It can feel more like I’m carrying the brunt of the child rearing even if he is active and present the emotional labor is not divided.
It seems like you’re overwhelmed, over worked and depressed? If that is the case you should sit down and think about what specific issues caused what you said and offer him a sincere apology and explanation. That’s the best you can do and go from there.
doonieburg t1_j6cujtl wrote
Reply to TIFU: Said something hateful to my husband by [deleted]
I think this is so common, even when we try to divide the child rearing, it always felt like I was taking most of the emotional labor. For our first child, also 7 years ago, we both worked full time but i breastfed so it didn’t make sense that he would get up in the night but I still felt like because of that, during the day he should have picked up more slack. Maybe he did but being overwhelmed and exhausted makes it hard to see. For a couple of years we decided that he should stay at home because I made more money and childcare was astronomical. Somehow I was still handling the little things like doctors appointments, enrolling in school, making grocery lists etc and working 50 hours a week. My boyfriend is a great father and we have 2 kids now, been together 14 years but my kids are harder on me, demand more of my attention and expect more from me than they do from him. It can feel more like I’m carrying the brunt of the child rearing even if he is active and present the emotional labor is not divided. It seems like you’re overwhelmed, over worked and depressed? If that is the case you should sit down and think about what specific issues caused what you said and offer him a sincere apology and explanation. That’s the best you can do and go from there.