durgadas t1_jbsq9we wrote

I often say something like this to my one friend who isn't kind to herself:

"If someone walked in here talking to you like you talk to yourself, I'd kick their ass, because that person is a total dick."


durgadas t1_jatja7h wrote

Reclaiming words back is what is needed. Black people did that with the N-Word, for example, so it can be done.

It's just that we're all so damn passive and apathetic that it takes a long time to even notice that the angry and the motivated with agendas have reworked words in a negative manner that we suddenly go "wait, now I don't want the language to evolve!" which it inevitably does and you can't stop it. But, you CAN become more aware of how language is evolving and adopt and evolve yourself.

Having guides like this helps us to evolve into people who are concerned with equity and inclusion instead of mean-spirited bullies treating people poorly who have already been treated poorly so we don't have to change.

Ignorance and ego are the primary problems of human life, and they always have been. Combined, they form a conservative impulse that doesn't help anyone and is too easily manipulated by those same people with negative agendas.

It's sad that a move toward compassionate inclusive language results in a conservative anti-change approach that is based on a fearful thought too often based, sadly, on a projection of one's own outlook.

But it IS true that language is the first principle from which archetypes and mythology are created, and those who seek to stifle change so they don't have to feel uncomfortable are always engaged in a kind of warfare because fear cannot see outside the framework it has constructed for itself.

The War On Sensemaking has gone too far, now. Being sensitive, open, AND strong is all possible when you live with integrity instead of fear. Indeed, it is us who are inclusive you will turn to in order to alleviate your pervasive and intrusive fear, once you grow a little.

Claiming morality when speaking immorality is a good way to hide your weasel words, but won't fool everyone, unless that group is trained to only ever extract an anecdote from a story, and reduce all discourse to such bad faith tactics.

In a story, things have an arc, and they don't always end up where you think, and too often we consider writing and discourse now to be merely a large collection of anecdotes, and refuse to be changed by anything; which is, again the conservative impulse.


durgadas t1_j8j24te wrote

I went through a long period of this exact problem, when I realized I was motivating myself through self-abuse. Worse, I realized that this was inherited self-abuse- i.e. I had chosen to abuse myself because someone else or the culture as a whole was telling me that this was how motivation worked.

It actually took me something like 3 years of being relatively listless and unable to function as I'd previously known myself and then I much later discovered the ideas of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.

Many of us have intrinsic motivation, but need extrinsic structures to assist us and help focus our own goals into reasonable action- i.e. extrinsic motivation.

I was talking to one of my longtime coaching client of mine about exactly this in the last couple of days- when we get REALLY imbalanced into the extrinsic motivation, we might not realize that we internalize that to such a degree it becomes negative, and we then lose track of our intrinsic drive for things. So instead of the healthy guide extrinsic systems- or even lifestyle inertia- create for us, it becomes a form of self-abuse, creating negative self-talk, and inner criticism.

I'm suggesting you choose against that, and get support by someone on a regular basis to continue making compassionate but firm choices for your own goals and intrinsic motivations- so you can re-connect with them and have them work in alignment.

I did an unfinished graphic about this as a part of a larger system I have that tries to illustrate the problem: https://imgur.com/a/PXAoggw

It can go so far as we create a kind of separate personality we use against ourselves and call it "motivation", when it's just a kind of unconscious extrinsic motivation, that you employ to "force" yourself out of bed or to the gym, etc. Do that long enough, that breaking that cycle can seem ungrounding and you can be lost as I was for a while.

I created a very detailed system called Creating Virtuous Cycles for this that is beyond the scope of this comment, and during the creation of this <website soon to come> system, I've noticed deeper and deeper aspects to it.

Motivation can also be problematic in our ADHD-inducing lifestyle or for people like myself with neurodiverse minds. I created an (unfinished) graphic about this: https://imgur.com/gallery/hkCQS3h about overstimulation vs. understimulation. Parts of this graphic were based in the Attention Cycle I found. Credit is in the graphic: https://imgur.com/a/Ao9lV6K

In that three years, I basically resolved to stay in the moment and handle things instead with compassion. I recommend self-compassion.org with science-supported methods for learning how to create that and replace negative self-talk with compassion.

The point is that it's good you are asking for help with this, and having an accountability partner with whom you can learn healthier ways to motivate yourself.

Let me know if I can help.


durgadas t1_j60vb0m wrote


As a child of the 1980s and Perpetual Nuclear Existential Terror, it feels somehow WORSE now, and I suppose this clock metaphor is an apt one for how fucking suicidal we are as a species.


Worse, I know we'll keep "electing" and putting narcissistic psychopaths in charge of everything until our ability to live on this planet is used up. Naturally, only narcissistic psychopaths will survive the consequence of their actions.


Also, it's annoying this question is posed as yet another stupid false duality we're entirely too beholden to now. This kind of divisive framing is very much the cause of the problem this clock metaphor is intended to illustrate.


durgadas t1_j0dlob7 wrote

Yep, it's racist to point out the documented actions of a government. Like WTF is this world coming to when you can't cite references? It's not like *I* detain people or make millions of ex-Chinese people live in fear. The Chinese government does that.

And I haven't even mentioned the current and ongoing genocide/ethnic cleansing.

Oh, but it's SPACE I guess so I'm supposed to imagine some utopia? Utopias are a secular delusion.

I don't often agree with Michael Shermer, but he's right about this: https://aeon.co/ideas/utopia-is-a-dangerous-ideal-we-should-aim-for-protopia


durgadas t1_j092g6k wrote

Good luck with that. Given that every Chinese person who has ever lived or been born to Chinese parentage, no matter how far removed is considered still owned, practically speaking:

From Wikipedia: "In regards to the de facto practices of the Chinese government, Kris Cheng wrote in Foreign Affairs that "Beijing presents nationality as an elaborate legal question, but in practice the answer is simple. Only one rule applies: If you have ever held or could have held Chinese citizenship, you are a Chinese national unless Beijing decides you are not. And even if you were born abroad but you're of Chinese descent, Beijing still feels as if it owns you." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_nationality_law#Acquisition_and_loss_of_nationality

You think that if China gains control of the MOON, it's going to EVER relinquish it?