You are welcome OP. I hope you figure it out and I’m sorry to lay it out like that, but it is what it is. Good luck

Exactly. Even if she dropped Tom… Kay already chose to not be with her. What is the point of living through the frustration? OP choose the person who will pick you first. Kay already chose who comes first in her life, and she didn’t pick you.

You essentially were her side-hoe for all of this, do you understand that? For being so in-love, she chose him over you. How much more does that mean she cares for him? She got to have her cake and eat it too, as you were single in the beginning but she got to have you AND her boyfriend. Gross. And she knew what she was doing just as much as you do.

Kay was cheating on her partner to do romantic things with you, regardless of the lack of kissing/sex, and now you are emotionally cheating on your partner. This not a sustainable friendship with feeling like that present, but you seem to understand that.

A smart decision would be to be honest with Tom about your whole history with her. And I get the feeling you weren’t honest with him initially because you know the whole thing was wrong. Secondly, you should rethink your friendship for Kay.

If you married Tom, don’t you think it would topple his world to understand your feelings about him have no stability? Because you will be thinking of Kay in the back of your mind.