This isn't a negotiation. You don't need his permission to visit your parents and if he feels like he's not 'adult' enough to be left on his own for a weekend, he's got bigger problems to work on. No matter when you go, if he doesn't go HE WILL BE ALONE. He does not have a valid argument.

Him telling you he regrets marrying you? Looks like you might want to extend your time at your parent's place so you can take time to consider whether you want to stay with someone this purposefully hurtful and nasty.

It doesn't sound like HE refuses to leave. It sounds like you refuse to leave.

Look, the moment one person in a relationship feels that the relationship is over, it is over. What are you getting out of dragging this out? You are the only one doing this to yourself.

We "officially" got engaged a week ago.

We've only been together for 6 months.

Since then, I realized that maybe this isn't a good idea

I would be less worried about there being a spark and more worried that you think getting engaged at the 6 month mark to a 24 yr old that you barely know isn't the red flag you should be concerned about. Please do hold off on wedding planning.

If there is no spark, why did you get engaged? If you are unsure how to have a healthy relationship, wouldn't it be prudent to work on recognizing healthy and unhealthy dynamics within a relationship vs. (apparently) believing that whatever relationship you are in is THE relationship? It is called dating for a reason. You date, you figure out what you're looking for in a partner, what is totally unacceptable, what your goals are, what your relationship goals are, etc.

He is holding your life hostage. Dangling the possibility of getting married over your head and blaming you for it not happening. He is toying with you. He says your behavior is the reason he won't propose, and the cycle starts all over again. You are upset because you are wasting your life waiting around on him so it's time to put a stop to that. BUT you have to actually mean it. You can't tell him you're moving out and then back out of that decision when he pretends that he will propose.

Start making plans of where you'll go. Get that lined up, recruit your friends/family to come over and help you move and get out. No need to tell him your plans until the day of the move. Engage a lawyer to get a child custody agreement and move on.

He brought it up now though, saying that “If we are going to continue dating it’s something I have to get used to.”

Hell no! You do not have to 'get used to it'. You stay in a hotel. She can visit you there or at someone else's house. If your bf can't agree to that then this is a deal breaker. And you need to be serious about it being a deal breaker.

The first problem with this whole situation is the dress

Actually, the first problem is that you've only been together for 3 months and you're already marrying him? You don't even know him. It hasn't occurred to you to just .... date him?

am I throwing away a good thing?

You aren't happy, you both feel like you are friends vs. partners, you want to take more serious steps in the relationship, he doesn't and you've felt this way for 2+ years. If anything, you may have stayed too long in a relationship where the 2 of you weren't on the same page.

then I’m not allowed to do it.

Allowed should not be a word that is used between 2 grown adults. She doesn't *allow* you to try out dancing. You sign up, you go and try it out and decide if you like it. If you do, you keep going. If your wife is using this as a form of control, which is never a good dynamic.

You barely know him. You've only been dating for 5 months. Don't blow up your life for someone you may not be with in a month or 2. Table this entire discussion for at least - at a very minimum - another 6 months. Then revisit the conversation if you're still together and tell him your boundaries: you want to be married first.

Why would you stay in a relationship with someone if you are this unhappy?

I also wonder whether this ambivalence will be a recurring pattern that’ll put a strain on our relationship

I'd have to guess yes.

It sounds like the 2 of you are incompatible. I can't imagine someone taking an entire year off as a 'gap' year between finishing university and getting a job. That's just... strange. But believe him when he is so clearly showing you who he is. His life, his choice. Your life, your choice. They just aren't on the same path.

I still deeply care about you and hope that somehow you accept my apology. I hope we can talk again, but please feel no need to respond to this.

Otherwise, thank you for the past 3 months. You made me so so happy and I looked forward to every text and every time we hung out. Every embrace filled my heart with love in a way you’ll never know. You and XXX are genuinely both amazing people and I wish nothing but the best for the both of you. Her words to me that night were very thoughtful, you have an amazing friend.

All of this needs to go. Leaving this in makes it very apparent that you are apologizing only in the hope that she will get back with you.

You do know that COVID tests are free, right? And that you both exhibit high risk for spreading COVID through your behavior, right? You're upset that you bf is wiping down surfaces yet you went to work, he is doordashing and going grocery shopping. Sheesh. That behavior is what is actually kinda shitty

I know it’s just a fantasy but the way he talks about it, makes me thinks he really wants it.

Then it isn't a fantasy

I’ve done a LOT to be in this relationship with him

This statement concerns me. In every relationship there is a level of compromise that each partner makes but it is generally innocuous (what restaurant to eat at, what color curtains), it shouldn't be a compromise of your morals, self-respect, or safety and I hope what you've done to be in this relationship is more like the former rather than the latter.

It sounds like you want a traditional monogamous relationship that does not include risque or non-traditional partnerships. The 2 of you are fundamentally incompatible. It sounds like you have been incompatible since you decided that threesomes were no longer of interest to you. You should have left then but there's always today.