As a woman personally I would feel exactly the same. Its a very off-putting thing to hear, even if they're joking about it as a defence mechanism it is unattractive. And them still being in contact is not necessarily their fault if they have class together, but them being friends is not great. "Why tf would they still hang around someone who treated them like total shit?" Is a valid question. You're finding it difficult to respect her because she does not respect herself and it shows. And I'm not putting blame on her, it's just how things often come to be after an abusive relationship
Women are conditioned to forgive and/or forget, choose the path of least resistance, and to accept being treated with disrespect (because it is far far easier to rationalise and justify being treated poorly, do it enough and its hard to think any other way). This girl realises what her ex did was wrong and awful, but has internalised whatever concept required to still be friends with this guy (ie it was her fault, he's just a dick what do we expect, he's changed, i just don't care anymore/it's in the past etc etc). She obviously is not over it bc she has brought it up, but is dealing with it in a way that she can emotionally distance herself enough to carry on with life. This is obviously all my speculation, don't know her etc but yeah, that's my perspective.
It's not unreasonable at all to address it with her too, personally I think straight up asking "why is it you want to be friends with someone who was so horrible to you" is an option. Its valid to be uncomfortable with your partner being friends with their abuser ex, even if just out of concern for them (which is perhaps a good start to approaching it with her)
(Also its not misogynistic to not like hearing about your gfs abuse over and over, especially in this sort of way where its kind of a joke youre expected to go along with. It would be misogynistic if you looked down on her for being abused in the first place, which you're not)
flowerorcolour t1_iyf526x wrote
Reply to I find it hard to respect my significant others when they tell me stories about letting themselves be treated disrespectfully by [deleted]
As a woman personally I would feel exactly the same. Its a very off-putting thing to hear, even if they're joking about it as a defence mechanism it is unattractive. And them still being in contact is not necessarily their fault if they have class together, but them being friends is not great. "Why tf would they still hang around someone who treated them like total shit?" Is a valid question. You're finding it difficult to respect her because she does not respect herself and it shows. And I'm not putting blame on her, it's just how things often come to be after an abusive relationship
Women are conditioned to forgive and/or forget, choose the path of least resistance, and to accept being treated with disrespect (because it is far far easier to rationalise and justify being treated poorly, do it enough and its hard to think any other way). This girl realises what her ex did was wrong and awful, but has internalised whatever concept required to still be friends with this guy (ie it was her fault, he's just a dick what do we expect, he's changed, i just don't care anymore/it's in the past etc etc). She obviously is not over it bc she has brought it up, but is dealing with it in a way that she can emotionally distance herself enough to carry on with life. This is obviously all my speculation, don't know her etc but yeah, that's my perspective.
It's not unreasonable at all to address it with her too, personally I think straight up asking "why is it you want to be friends with someone who was so horrible to you" is an option. Its valid to be uncomfortable with your partner being friends with their abuser ex, even if just out of concern for them (which is perhaps a good start to approaching it with her)
(Also its not misogynistic to not like hearing about your gfs abuse over and over, especially in this sort of way where its kind of a joke youre expected to go along with. It would be misogynistic if you looked down on her for being abused in the first place, which you're not)