futurelateral t1_ivdf9yg wrote

“It’s aware wolf!”

“A werewolf?!”

“No aware — wolf! The wolf that is clairvoyant.”

“And I’m standing right behind you,” the wolf said to them as he stepped out of the shadows and right onto some loose Lego bricks on the floor. “Aaaooouuuu!” He fell to the ground clutching his foot/paw thing.

The two stood there regarding him.

“Hold up! If you’re clairvoyant… Oh sorry, where are my manners? Are you alright clairvoyant wolf?”

“Yes. I’ll be fine. Thank you.” He said with with an obviously wounded pride.

“Oh good okay. So now, hold up. If you’re clairvoyant, did you step on those Lego bricks on purpose?”

“Of course I didn’t step on those legos deliberately! I’m clairvoyant not masochistic!”

The two non-wolves looked at each other.

The wolf sighed. “The truth is I’m only mostly clairvoyant. Certain things kind of fly under the radar. Things like these little hellbricks, I, I just can’t detect them.” His eyes started to well up.

“Hey, don’t feel so bad. I’m guessing neither of us can see the future at all.”

“You’re right. Of course you’re right. But I’m under so much pressure, you know? Nobody cares if you can foresee most things. It’s all or nothing for people these days. I’ve even been thinking of dropping the whole thing and going back to the woods. Things were so much simpler back then before all of this nonsense began.”

The wolf continued, “It was a pleasant spring day and I was wandering through the the forest as usual, when a blue 1996 Plymouth Town & Country pulled up along side me. Three decently dressed men got out of the van and asked me if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the woods or if I’d like my life to count towards something bigger. They were from a nearby university and were running experiments and paying $200 to participants. Long story short, the two hundred is spent and gone and I now have a mostly impressive skill.”

“Plamf U?” Asked the one guy.

“Yes, that was the name.” The wolf replied with a subtle hint of bitterness.

“Oh yeah! I was a freshman when those trials were being conducted. Small world. Wow, I didn’t know they were experimenting on wolves too.”

“Unfortunately, for me, that is the case.”

The other person who we’ve only heard from once at the very beginning, started darting her eyes and looking a little clammy.

“Dr. Plamf, are you alright? You don’t look so well.” Said our previously unnamed character, Charlie.

“Plamf? Plamf! Are you the one responsible for those reckless experiments?!” At this point, the wolf seemed way more like a wolf. Charlie was scared, but Dr. Plamf was terrified.

“Well I, I wouldn’t say I was exactly responsible for the experiments. Sure, I signed off on many efforts of scientific inquiry during my time at the university, but that was a long time ago. Things were different back then. Besides, you could have declined the offer.”

“Don’t try to scapegoat my willingness to participate, Doctor. You were personally overseeing the wolf experiments, weren’t you?!”

Dr. Plamf stood shaking.

“Admit it!” The wolf growled. “Admit that you personally conducted those brutal experiments on helpless timberwolves just for a cheap joke. A PUN!”

“Alight! Please! I admit it! All of it!” The doctor broke down and in between sobs said, “Back then we were all drunk on plenty of funding and nothing to hold us back. A few of us thought it would be funny, you know? Awarewolf? It was maybe a bit of a stretch but we did it anyway. I’m very sorry, Mr. Wolf. I’m very sorry.”

“Thank you, Dr. Plamf.” The wolf said calmly, “And now I must eat you.”

Both humans cowered in fear. The wolf laughed, “Just kidding, I really can’t stand people. Good night to you.” And the mostly clairvoyant wolf slipped back into the shadows.”