Thanks for sharing this spooky tale!

I really liked this stuff:

• Using the necklace to help us understand the characters. As well as using it to heighten the intensity of the scene.
• The way you described what Button was hearing on the phone. In a small amount of words you were able to give a distinctive sound to it.
• The way the monster was described. Both ambiguous and specific, allowing the reader to imagine whatever springs to mind.

Thing(s) that didn't connect with me:

• The framing backstory is a little confusing. Is Button looking for two missing people or are they looking for Jack? Same thing?
• The recollection of what the boss said interrupted a part of scene that I wanted to be more engrossed in.

Thanks for the feedback Fye!

Interesting to see that Allen came off as he did to you. I deleted a sentence of his from the paragraph where he talks about the event. Originally, he said "Sex tapes just don't cut it any more." But it didn't sit right that he would say that while he reached out and touched her hand. Seemed just overtly predatory.

And "intensive purposes" was deliberate. I threw in "irregardless" as well. But I think that's less egregious so it may not have been enough of a tell.

I think if I started from scratch I'd describe the contract side of it a bit differently. But all of these parts she's going through make up one contract. So she held out on the final piece after deciding she wanted more money. (Allen is a bad attorney for formatting the contract like this)

Thanks again. Always look forward to your comments.

Initial Public Offering

It was night on the street when Sam arrived. Allen let her in through a side entrance and took her up in the freight elevator. In the conference room she caught the sunset — the last slice of light in Manhattan — before Allen’s sharks went to work. “Sign here,” they would say, “And here.” They kept coming for more and more: arbitration, nondisclosure, even something called her 'life rights.'

But as each suit got their fill, they departed. In the early morning, only Allen remained.

​

"What’s this part?” asked Sam.

“Business agreement. For all intensive purposes, Bradley Media Group gets ninety percent of everything. Want to be a household name? That's the price.”

Sam weighed the pen in her hand. It was heavy, real gold heavy. She noticed its avian shape.

“It’s a goose,” said Allen, smiling. His teeth were too white.

“Is…” The pen flapped in Sam’s fingers. “Is ninety fair?”

“Ninety percent is standard. There's a lot of risk for us. And of course we’ll be working to keep you relevant,” he paused, “Irregardless, if you feel like you need an attorney—“

“You’re…not my attorney?”

“I’m with BMG. Again, if—“ He stopped as Sam signed and smacked the pen on the table.

“Okay!” He cheered. “Let’s see, you’ve signed…” He scanned the table. “So that just leaves… Here.” He slid a stack in front of Sam and picked up the business agreement. "Last one’s the waiver of liability—means you can’t sue us for emotional distress, physical harm, whatever.”

Sam leafed through it. It was scarier than the others, with bold text all over reading: The Event.

“What’s this about the ‘Event’?” she said. “I’ll be so embarrassed that I’ll - what - die?”

“Sam…” Allen sat down. “We picked you. We believe in you. But the Event - whatever it is - has to put you in the news for a week, and not just our news. It’s going to tarnish you—put you in a hole.” He placed his fingers on Sam’s hand. “We’ll pull you out, make you a star. But you can’t wash it off. Everyone will always feel like they’re above you, even while they worship at your Instagram feed. It’s gonna hurt."

Sam shook off his hand. She looked past him, out over the Hudson. New Jersey was still dark but the heavens were turning blue. She thought of all the faces she wished she’d never seen.

“My whole life has hurt,” she said, meeting Allen’s eyes.

Sam breathed. “Okay.” She poised herself to wring the goose’s neck across the dotted line.

She stopped.

“Fifty-fifty.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want half: fifty percent”

Allen shot up. “You signed that part already!” He said, shaking the proof at her.

“Tear it up. I want half.” Sam twirled the pen at Allen. “Golden eggs, right?"

Allen grinned. “Sun’s almost up. Leave the way you came in.” He held up the business agreement and - ffft - tore it in two. “Come back tonight and we’ll negotiate.”

​

WC: 500

John balanced himself on the track, with his arms out wide and his mind in the clouds. “I think maybe I’ll tell people my mom’s a lawyer.”

“Y’know lies catch fire, right?” I told him.

“Feed the fire!” he commanded.

“Paralegal.”

“What’s that?”

“Believable.”

He paused. “My mom’s a paralegal,” he said, looking back towards home. “Does that sound true?”

“Yes, you’re fluent in bullshit,” I said, “Should we stop doing this?”

“Not until I’m not here and not poor." He hurried along the rail.

The ground trembled.

“You'll never make it,” I said.

“Why? We’re almost there!”

“Freight train.”

It was the white horse. I told her to stay away from that one. Don’t go behind the horse, don’t go in front of the horse, don’t look at the horse, and - for Christ’s sake - don’t ride the horse. But the horse was beautiful.

We never gave it a name.

When I found it, it was full of thorns, all twisted up and limping. Me and boy were on federal lands, tracking down a few strays. Couldn’t be sure if it was a runaway or born feral. But the cattle turned out to be a lost cause, so I lassoed the thing and fought it all the way back to the ranch.

I knew pretty quick we’d never break the thing. It’d charge right at us when we came up to the fence. It was a menace. She didn’t mind though. She’d call its bluff, sit tight on the fence when it ran at her. She didn’t even flinch. Usually, it’d pause long enough to take a carrot from her. And a few times I saw it sit tight while she brushed its coat through the fence.

It was a high fence, about five feet high. The white horse probably could’ve cleared it once it got healthy. But it just stayed. The horse was useless to me, I couldn’t work with it. But I didn’t mind keeping it, seeing how she loved the thing. Just so long as she stayed outside the fence.

I should have known her better.

She was face down. That’s how I found her last night, crumpled up just inside the pen. The horse was gone.

I turned her over and she was breathing, but her face….her face was always so beautiful. I’d known ever since she first smiled at me. But I don’t know if she’ll smile like that again. I didn’t want to look at her, but I did. I didn’t want her to be scared.

I sent my boy to get the doctor and they returned together just before dawn. The doctor told me not to worry. He told me they could fix things like this now. But he looked like he was holding back tears. They all left for town at first light.

I stayed. There was work to do, but first I went down to the pen. Her brush was lying in the dirt. At the far end, the end towards the hills, there was a section of fence with the top board broken. I went through the fence over there.

I could tell by the grass that the horse took a tumble on its way over. I followed its trail. Every fifty paces there’d be a matted down spot. There was blood too, more and more as I went.

I found the horse laid down by the creek, its head just a few inches from the edge. It was staring at the water. The creek was golden in the morning sun. I thought it was beautiful too.

Hopefully I'll have some time to give it a shot after work tonight!

I really enjoyed this! Reminds me a bit of Ash staring down the medieval folk in Army of Darkness. My favorite part was the exchange with Wavel.

Thanks! The Trademark symbols in the prompt really stood out to me. I guess I missed the focus on the protagonist. I need to find an attorney to draft a reply letter for the protagonist!

Xil, Yol, Zul

​

Augtober 13th, 1411 E.E.

​

Lars the Farmboy

1 Subsistence Lane

Northwest Dezzak

​

Dear Lars,

On behalf of our client, the Emperor, we hereby demand that you immediately cease and desist from any further heroic activity. You have violated your contractual obligations. You have, on multiple occasions, slandered the Emperor in your village square. Worst of all, you have violated the intellectual property rights of the Evil Empire.

We begin with your breach of contract. Your parents signed a lease with Lord Dezzak such that they may farm the land on which you currently live. Lord Dezzak is a subsidiary of the Evil Empire. And you, as your parents’ offspring, are bound by their contractual obligations. This is according to the jurisprudence of the High Court of Nightmares in the seminal case 10,000 Starving Peasants v. The Emperor, 5 EER 57 (1233 E.E.). Therewheretofore, the following acts were - or continue to be - in breach of the contract:

•	Removing an ancient weapon from its resting place on the property.  
•	Using leased farm equipment in a training montage.  
•	Using leased a leased farm animal as a heroic mount.  
•	Painting the living room.

Your liability to the Evil Empire does not stop there. The speeches in the village square you've been giving are slanderous and harmful to the reputation of the Evil Empire and the Emperor himself. You are recorded as saying that he has “stolen the princess.” This assertion is simply untrue. The princess is the Emperor’s property, as is everyone.

Your diatribes also infringe upon the Evil Empire’s word usage rights. You stated that you were “the chosen one” and you were going to “save the princess.” The Empire longago registered these phrases with itself. Please see Registration #4892 (The Chosen One) and Registration #5002 (Save The Princess). Any continued use of these phrases will be considered willful infringement.

Finally, and of most concern, you are at risk of infringing on the Emperor’s patent rights. Our spies have informed us that you have been in contact with a white-haired sage named Olga. She has been teaching you the True Power. The True Power is the exclusive right of the Emperor and is protected by multiple patents:

•	E.E.P. 450 - Method for Harnessing Energy from Surrounding Lifeforms  
•	E.E.P. 830 - Method for Shooting Energy Balls from Hands  
•	E.E.P. 931 - Composition of Glowing Aura  
•	E.E.P. 1128 - Method for Levitating a Little Bit

Listen, you seem like a nice kid. But if you want to topple the Evil Empire, you will have to do so legally.

​

Regards,

Xil, Yol, Zul

Attorneys at Law