I would have a pretty major issue if my partner was doing that. You are airing your private business with her to...a LOT of people. They now know intimate details about your relationship without her concent. A good compromise would be checking with her first. Narrowing it down to 1-2 people you talk to or just a therapist you can go to for information. I understand her feelings on this. I wouldn't want my private things with my partner just...everywhere. Because whether they tell you or not that they won't talk about it guaranteed that some of the people you've gone to have then told other people. Because that's what people do.

That seems like a good bit of an overreaction if just that comment on the photo and falling asleep when she asked for space. All I can think is just apologize again that you're sorry your comment upset her and that you'd been drinking and didn't mean to fall asleep. That you just wanted to give her space until she was ready to talk. That you're sober now and would really like to talk to her. That you love her. Then just give her space maybe. Unless you left a lot out somehow I personally don't see how it got blown up but who knows.

What's his reasoning for no contact before 9pm? Was it just randomly he stopped inviting you to things or did something initiate it? Do you ever plan dates?

I think the most telling thing is you saying you're scared of your husband. You aren't being unreasonable. He's putting other people above the family yall have created and he's willing to put yall in harms way at the very least financially. This closeness of his family just sounds like toxic codependency. I would have a hard time having my kids grow up in that environment learning those lessons. Couples therapy or divorce is all I can think.