And white subway tile kitchen walls

That’s not normal, and you already have confirmation that his exes partner is also uncomfortable with their relationship. I understand it’s painful to grieve a relationship, but you have to to give 100% of a relationship to your next partner. While they are no longer an official couple, and the physical part of their relationship is over, I would argue that their behavior indicates that they are unwilling to end the emotional part of their relationship. I feel comfortable saying that most people would be uncomfortable with their partner engaging in the emotional part of a relationship (ie, emotional support, emotional intimacy) with their ex. Typically, YOU would be the one your partner would rely on and you would rely on him. Also, homeboy has been out of the dating game for years, who is he to say what “most women” are comfortable with? Many women would consider his behavior an emotional affair.

Personally, I have a boundary in my relationship that we do not tell each other that we find others attractive. Obviously, others can be objectively attractive, but what purpose does it serve to tell your partner? We also have a boundary that we do not keep in contact with our exes, not because they’re evil, but because we want to rely on each other and focus on our relationship. I believe that you need to have a conversation with your partner about boundaries. The boundaries that you are expressing are NORMAL and reasonable. I personally would also have a conversation about the use of an insult (ie, calling you immature) while discussing boundaries.

Next, I understand that his ex is experiencing relationship troubles and needs advice and support, but I do not see a reason why your boyfriend is appropriate, especially considering that he is creating a problem in her relationship. A therapist is far more appropriate for her to be speaking to:

Ultimately, I personally view relationships as partnerships and as a team to build a life together. I looked for a partner who had the same view. I believe that it is reasonable. I feel from your post that you are second guessing yourself and doubting your boundaries, but they are also extremely reasonable. While he is hesitant to move past his ex, he is also depriving you of being YOUR partner. Breakups are painful, but you lean learn what you did right or wrong and apply that to your next relationship. You don’t have to “erase or delete” a part of your life, but you do have to move past and accept that it is over. Also, on most social media, there are ways to archive posts so they’re not deleted but are no longer public ally available.

Overall, I think you’re extremely reasonable and acting mature throughout this whole experience. I just wouldn’t change yourself over him.