Uhhhh... him looking at her phone shows "a lack of trust"? Did you see any other violations of trust in his post? 'crossed a line'??? gtfooh

What grade are you in?

She knows you know that. Call her freaking bluff.

Articulate exactly whats happening and demand a decision.

- what a broken home does to kids

- her and the kids' stability with you vs without you

- facts about this 'grass is greener' guy: at the very least he doesn't respect her marriage now, so what makes her think he'd respect the institution if THEY get married

- ......

If you do nothing, you're marriage is over and you'll suffer. If you give her the ultimatum, there's a chance to fix things. If not, your marriage will end, but you can start healing

Dude, you are entitled to know what your wife is up to. The fact that you're feeling guilty about it demonstrates that you are neither overbearing or controlling, but rather taking steps to verify or dismiss suspicions.

With that said, you have a big problem. If you do nothing, she will absolutely drift further away until leaving you is a very easy decision. You need to confront her and demand she make a decision: to stay married and keep the family together, or get divorced and split the family apart. Her being faced with that stark decision MIGHT get her to snap out of it. If she decides to split up the family, then you'll know and can move forward. If she chooses to stay and make things work, then it sounds like you both have a lot of work to do.

Ignoring the problems and beating yourself up for figuring it out will NOT solve anything. Demand her to make a decision and own it. Obviously let her know which choice you'd prefer, but there should be no confusion that its HER decision and it needs to be made NOW.

This sounds like a lame therapeutic post.

With that said, it sounds like you paid for a great lesson. Leave it at that and forgive yourself for the fuckup. Walk away with he excellent life less and FORGET IT EVER HAPPENED. For real, forget it. And whatever you do, do not tell your ex or any other person.... ever. Strike it from your mind and move forward.