>painful lesson that’s something i will have to carry with me the rest of my life

I disagree with this. You've acknowledged it. Now it's time to learn from it. You take it forward by your actions not by holding onto it. A lesson for this relationship (if she wants to continue) but also for the relationships going forward. No good can come from holding onto something like this for the rest of your life.

Well you evidently want to "try" whatever that means so just be honest with it. However I don't think you realise that you taking accountability and being faithful isn't enough for a relationship.

It's her choice in the end.

No it doesn't. You've had months after to try and for whatever reason it seems its not enough.

You should have been trying from moment she agreed to get back together. Not from now, because she broke up with you.

The fact of the matter is you don't necesserily "deserve" it. You aren't automatically entitled to "try" it and I don't think you understand that.

Maybe you could each take turns paying when you go for datenights?

I will admit at the start of my relationship I had this weird thing about being the one to pay or being "seen" to be the one paying because I'm the "man". Like I had to prove I was the provider I guess? But who the fuck was I proving it to?

Its so cringy and redundant looking back on it. Who fucking cares who's paying?

>in every other aspect i think im everything she is looking for which is why we got back together in the first place

Evidently not. Sounds like she didn't give herself enough time and now she has. But I see you are meeting up tomorrow and don't doubt you will manipulate the situation, so she stays.

She broke up with you. That's it. Don't pretend the reason your fighting is for her. It's for you.

If you are so sure she will find someone who treats her better, then let her do that.