Just to give you another male perspective: I feel the same way about marriage as your boyfriend does, and I love my partner to bits. I would even argue that overly emphasising marriage is a big red flag, because to me that signals "I care more about the marriage than being together and loving each other".

There are good and bad sides to everything in life.

> I wanted to marry this man and have his babies.

You got robbed of your future and expectations. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

You can find someone to share with, but once you lose your health you don't get it back.

You mention proper feeding and mental (I'm going to assume you mean social) stimulation as if they are minor details. They are crucial to a child's development. Parental neglect or poor feeding in the first 3-9 months are going to leave their marks on a child.

Language development is a good example. Here's a review going over language development in the first year of life. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26756156/ Imagine a baby who is fed and clothed, but who is deprived of a parent who directly talks at them. They're going to have hard time picking up verbal and nonverbal language. Their language development might get delayed.

A toddler who has difficulties understanding the language that he is expected to understand is likely to get frustrated, which in turn may lead to behavioural difficulties. This may lead to them becoming unsociable and other children won't want to play with them. Pediatric psychiatrists deal with this all the time!

Now, you don't need a PhD to raise a baby. They're not going to be traumatized because you said the wrong word or didn't buy the right brand of diapers. Feed them, talk to them, change their diapers, etc. They're probably going to turn out fine. But to claim that the first months are basically irrelevant (that's how I interpret "pretty much clean slates") is just plain wrong.

Sorry mate, this is too complicated for Redditors as evidenced by the comments in this thread.

The first year is very crucial to a child's development. They are by no means clean slates.

Depends on your definition of "great". It's very inefficient in terms of time invested. Furthermore, physical labour rarely involves progressive overload.

Your body quickly becomes accustomed to the level of strain that is required of it. You will reach some base level of fitness required for the job and quickly plateau.

I don't know what you mean by getting into "shape" but I would argue that physical labour is much better for that. I understand getting into "shape" as losing weight (highly dependent on your diet, though) and possibly gaining some cardiovascular endurance.

In short, physical labour is great for burning calories but not for building muscle.

Physical work is a very ineffective way of building muscle.

Terrible. I'm so sorry.

>Don't trust the people you think you trust the most because they'll hurt you the most.

However, this is not a sentence to live by. Anyone would get trust issues from what happened to you, but I hope you get the help needed to work through it.

Your comment will not age well. Come back in 5 years.

It's not complicated, you're just bad at communicating

Medicine deals with averages. We rarely know what is happening to individuals. Saying that "something is partly genetic" and "we don't know why every time" are not exclusive at all. On average, genetics has an influence. We just usually don't know "when" and "for whom".