My biggest fear is that my cruelty to myself will spill out onto others.

Getting there. At this point I think I'm waiting for everyone else to give up on me, so I can give up myself with less guilt.

My only long term goal is to self terminate after burying my parents. My therapist didn't bother to schedule another session because it was clear it wasn't working.

Something comes after the despair? It seems neverending

Who do you thank when you've done nothing but lose?

I hate who I am right now lol

How do you befriend the monster that's been ruining your life?. The piece of shit who has successfully spoiled your plans your entire life, and will eventually drive you to suicide? What sense is there in that?

Only if you promise to pay 40% of my debts when I eventually fail.

Fixing to progress to a noose in my closet at this rate.

Nope just a steady decline for me

I suspect I'll end up the subject of a cautionary tale.

I am my biggest hater

I can't. Too much hate. I've hurt myself too much.

I haven't moved a single fucking mountain in my entire fucking life. Gentleness? A failure such as I does not deserve gentleness.

Is that mustard powder?

When does the tough time end? I feel like it's been a tough eternity.

Don't forget self loathing

Can't acquire it if you don't think you deserve it

My distractions are load-bearing.