kaibelf

kaibelf t1_jaev9so wrote

Could be something from the other party. I don't see it being something a rando just dropped in a mailbox that also included his name. It could also be a tip from a friend of yours who wants to let you know but is afraid of jeopardizing the friendship. Keep your eyes open for a couple of days and then have a discussion about it.

EDIT: Does he happen to have any kind of weird ex? It could also be someone like that who just wants to spoil his life.

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kaibelf t1_jaeumh2 wrote

Tough situation, but I have been in your position before. Here's what was said to me that snapped me out of it: There doesn't have to be something wrong with the other person for the situation not to be right for you. You looked elsewhere for emotional fulfillment because you were missing something in the relationship you had. There's a solid chance that you asked for that stuff in various ways, but it was still absent.

You need to step back, take a very serious and clear look at your relationship, and make sure you're not glossing over the shortcomings just because you want to see the best in him. He could be a wonderful guy, and yet not the right guy for what you need and that's okay. Don't try to hang on or fight for something that was already incomplete just because you're afraid of starting over again. It WILL pass.

My first advice though would be for you to stop calling yourself stupid. The whole psych ward thing is way WAY too much. Give yourself a break.

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kaibelf t1_jaeq33j wrote

He had his fun, and he's now moving on to a more grown up situation. He's signaling to you that if you want to party, it means you're in a different phase of life and that to you partying now is more important than future planning with him. It's a test, but I doubt he even knows he's doing it. That said, the worst thing you can do is try to convince him to go back into partying. You'll be wasting his time and compromising his future path for very temporary reasons, and that is just wasteful. You have to decide if you prefer the man or the party.

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kaibelf t1_jaephr7 wrote

If you are uncomfortable about something, and he actually cares, it won't be anything you're "forcing." He will want to do it out of respect for the relationship. Just because she's his mom doesn't mean she's incapable of being tactless and rude. Especially if he's 32, unless he's an obscene mama's boy.

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kaibelf t1_jaaz2sj wrote

Like I said, PATIENCE! PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE! Sure, get to know him, but it’s TOO EARLY to tell if you want to get serious yet. Find out if he’s kind. Good to people. Respectful of others in the world. Good with animals, nice to a waiter. Look for little things that tell you the quality of him. Only THEN can you really decide if he’s worth you being serious about. And it goes both ways. You may not be the right one for him. Take time, don’t rush and you’ll see. I wish you good luck! <3

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kaibelf t1_jaay784 wrote

Gotcha. I’ve been in some long ones so here’s what I would advise for you. Patience. A man aged 25 probably had plans with friends on a weekend. Also, hanging out on SC gets old, and for many guys can be a flag that you’re not serious about a real pursuit. If you want to get to know him, do it directly. Too many young men and women today cannot have a normal conversation over dinner because they’re ONLY used to SC and get awkward spending time with each other, and he’s probably not looking for that situation. The fact that he asked for your number is actually probably a good sign that he’d rather have a normal conversation. Go hang out somewhere and get to know each other (phones put away).

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kaibelf t1_jaaxcu4 wrote

Correct, and therein lies the conundrum for you. Are you wanting to be in the child’s life simply to be in it (even in the periphery), or was that conditional based on how much your half-sister engages you from the start? You have to decide what “the point” was in the first place, and act accordingly.

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kaibelf t1_jaauqpx wrote

I’ll be blunt here: just because you are more closely related does not mean you are automatically closer as people and your closing line about being “actual siblings” says it all. They obviously get along better with each other, and that’s fine. You’re not automatically entitled to be a feature in their lives just because of your parents. If anything, what I get from your post is that you seem to resent that “your sibling” is close to “their cousin” as if it somehow needs to be about you. You mention that you see this person once or twice a year. Why wouldn’t they (and the coming child) be closer to the people they see very often and who they enjoy life with day to day, “actual sibling” aside?

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kaibelf t1_jaat74s wrote

Not too complicated. He wants to talk on the phone instead of an app, and not everyone lives on social media all day. The counter-question i have for you is, why would you delete a conversation with someone you’ve “been trying to talk to” because you didn’t hear from him for a couple of days over a weekend. If you’re that impatient, then are you really ready to date someone who probably just had something going on during the weekend like any adult could?

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