i deleted the post because it got too big for my tastes. this definitely belonged better in a vent subreddit.

guys, i deleted the post because it was definitely better to put in a vent subreddit and got bigger than i intended it to. thank you all for commenting, whether positive or negative.

it’s an unofficial agreement but they were getting mad at me for taking so much space with my stuff as well as part of their electricity bill. i like to think of it as me paying for my mother in a way if that makes sense. it gives me some semblance of comfort

my grandparents are not my legal guardians, they try to exert guardianship over me because they used to be my temporary guardians. i had some terms confused previously but i did research before replying to anyone else about it. my mom is my legal guardian and i updated that in my post since i was even confusing myself with it. i got permission from the person with guardianship over me and it should have been her concern, not theirs.

this is actually a lot better than how i put it, it’s almost 100% accurate. however i think my mom was required to sign for their temporary guardianship at that point

sorry, i had to find the correct terms, i wasn’t super involved in the proceedings of all this but i think i can clear it up now. my grandparents had a temporary custody type deal that timed out maybe after 6 months of my mom’s rehab and is no longer in place, making my mom my legal guardian again since she’s my natural parent. kind of like the “do you have a parent or guardian i can talk to?” deal they always asked in school. however they still exert that kind of control over me. i’m sorry, the way i said it was definitely confusing.

my mom did not have custody of me ever taken away through this. by all regards she is the one legally responsible for me. my grandparents are registered guardians vs my mom being my natural guardian. whatever my mom said should have been enough for them, but it never is. i never claimed they were abusive, that’s mostly been other people in this comment section, but this post was mostly a vent for my frustrations and it got a little larger than i intended it to be.

i wish we could treat each other better. but thank you.

unfortunately they say they’re doing to keep doing it after i turn 18, after i already threatened no-contact if they continue after that point. they would do the same thing to my mom when she was in her mid 20’s and working two jobs in a city two hours away. it got her fired because they kept calling her workplaces every day. at one point they got it into their heads that she “ran off to mexico”, and worse things ensued after that.

my mother is my main legal guardian, they are only side ones since i live with them as well as her. there should have been no issue if i got permission from my own mother and had family besides her (such as my brother) who also knew where i was/have my location and told them so when they called. my grandparents chose to ignore it all and blow everything out of proportion anyway.

my mother has legal custody over me. my grandparents are my guardians. what my mom says goes over what they say legally, but they don’t think so and choose to ignore that. they only called the police because they weren’t happy with it. my boyfriend is also 17, it was not a crime.

they used to call the police on my mom when she was in her mid-20’s, lie about her being “off her meds”, homicidal, etc, just to be able to know where she was and keep tabs on her. im really worried that’ll happen to me.

i think the worst part for me is that they called my brother, who lives nowhere near us but still has my location on iphone. and he told them where i was and that i was fine, because we had a conversation about all of this and we tend to talk every night. yet they still chose to do what they did. they are not scared of me ending up like my mom, they threaten me with it, but i really do love my mom and i’m proud of how far she’s come especially considering the things they’ve done to her for much longer than they have me.

my mom was actually not okay with me spending the night with him at first, but after a few months more and a few scattered discussions, she agreed to trust me on this so long as i agreed to be responsible. she is not damaged goods and her opinions aren’t to be overlooked because she is trying. she’s doing amazing and she hasn’t touched anything in 6-8 months now. she raised me, my grandparents did not, which is why i’m not a narcissist. i wish i could provide more information on the numerous other things my grandparents have done to me and to the rest of my family (one incident even involving my younger brother moving in with his father halfway across the country), but i fear that kind of thing would be too specific. they also specifically stated that when i turn 18 and even older they are still going to call the police on me if i do something they do not approve of, whether it be moving out of their home or other actions.

i don’t understand how i am inconsiderate or egotistical for having explicit permission from someone with legal custody over me to spend the night at my boyfriends after i get off work, only to wake up to the police and other factors because my grandparents did not like that and would rather me not only not have a job, but not leave my house at all so that they can “support” me my whole life in the same way they do my mother. im not sure how you could give me tips for growing up any more than i have tried to grow up.

i am not blessed to have people who outright say they are going to control my life as long as they are able to. my grandparents abuse my mom’s issues and exploit her. i love my mom. i am embarrassed because rather than maybe asking my mom where i am, they bombard me at 5-7am in the morning with calls from the police, family who do not live here, friends, my former high school, my workplace, unknown numbers, and social media. this is by no means love. if i turn 30 and they’re still doing this, it’s STILL not love. they are manipulative and my mom and i are not actual people with free will to them. we are things to smother, keep home, and break down until either we die or they die. i’m not sure what would happen first especially if they never stop.

i’ve actually been planning on changing my name for a long time because i don’t like the past being tied to it. it’ll definitely be freeing to do. gritting and bearing has been my tactic for a long time but as i get older i get more explosive towards them and when i walked in the house this morning, not a word has been spoken since.

it was around my age, i believe. it’s been on and off her whole life but she’s tried for me as best as she can. we argue sometimes but it’s never been serious and i trust her just as much as she trusts me. she was a young mother from a bad past and got into some unsavory things. she’s trying her best even now and i’m really proud of her but my grandparents feel the need to kinda shove her nose in shit every day, if you get what i mean.

they probably shouldn’t report me missing and force me home every time i do something they don’t like. i’m afraid it’ll be a boy-who-cried-wolf type of situation if im ever in legitimate danger and the police won’t care.

i’ve done a lot of past research on emancipation, i have a good bit until i am 18 so i feel as though emancipation would be faster and it would also take away the $700/month or more child support they are receiving from wherever my father is. usually emancipation here takes just a few months since the courthouse isn’t very utilized. i just have to go to a judge, get myself a free attorney, and prove myself to be financially stable and independent of my family, with a legal way of earning money and the means to provide for all of my own necessities, a show of maturity/capability, and a $300 or so filing fee for the clerk.

nobody has mentioned it as i’ve seen besides you but yeah, being under 18 plays a lot into the serious tone the police took with this. unfortunately i’m a minor but i am, in most regards, an independent person, as far as even paying my grandparents for rent, electricity, and other bills while i live with them, buying all of my own things, paying fully for my car, etc. i haven’t mentioned it in any other comments here but i am also thinking about talking to my mom about emancipation. not sure if it would stop their harassment but it would at least make me an independent person legally.

cultural elements don’t really apply here i believe. just a white, lower class family in the south. i definitely don’t know anyone else with a family similar to mine, especially someone who would go through the same things i do, but i just reassure myself it will be over soon enough and that i’ll save up enough money to be able to live my own life. i was worried i was just coming off as a moody teenager with this post but there’s a lot of people who went through the same stuff as me and it’s really reassuring.

unfortunately, most of what they’ve got right now is my rent money, my child support, and their retirement fund. but hey, it’s something at least. i would definitely feel guilty for suing them if something did happen that would breach the terms of a restraining order but i do know it would be necessary.

i’ll admit that i don’t live in the best, safest town in the world, but it’s an “everyone knows everyone” type of place and there are areas everyone knows not to go to. as you can probably tell the police are pretty responsive too haha. i don’t necessarily think that trust is an issue, especially with my mom, it’s definitely more a control thing for my grandparents and like some other comments have said i may need to consider some underlying issues they have that may never even be addressed.

i don’t know if reddit has a character limit but if it did, i probably couldn’t even finish typing out a list of the things i’ve slept through. i also have “small ear canals” or something so i get routine ear flushings at the doctors to help me be able to hear better. i have a unique vibration sound for calls and alarms on my phone since i try to fall asleep with my phone near me so that i can feel those vibrations instead of relying on my admittedly crappy hearing