Hey!!

You can’t just die!

Dude, The Dark Tower almost ended me!!

When King got flattened by that self-driving semi (it was caused by a Romani curse while he was in a life or death speedwalkathon) and we all thought the series wouldn’t get finished; a bunch of us fans snorted his body weight in cocaine (to break the curse).

A bunch of us died, and the others got brain damage. But not me!! AND he made a dramatic comeback to give us 3 mediocre books with a very adequate ending.

Bonus: I also got superpowers, so when I touch someone I know which bathroom they will shit in next. It’s not as useful as you would think…

Awful political systems create environments people don’t want to have children in. How do we break this feedback loop?

Hey now some of us are OLD and foolish too!

Didn’t have to clean his crap, got free food at a party, but dumped for a dump.

Two Outta’ Three Ain’t Bad

Ahh

The Tears of a Clown

Hugs to you fellow Pagliacci

I hear you!

I was the work goofball and when shit hit the fan and folks were stressed out they usually looked to me lighten the mood (usually…)

Well things got really stressful at work and I was dealing with some personal stuff and they were having some team meeting trauma bond shit. Like everybody take turns talking about a challenge, or someone you miss (you get the gist). The get to me and everyone’s waiting for me to say something silly (I said I was grateful for all day McDonald’s breakfast at the last company thanksgiving). And I actually tried but all that came out was something like “my greatest challenge is finding the will to care, or I miss who I was before the weight of the world crushed my spirit” (you get the gist).

Everyone just looked uncomfortably at the floor until the moved on to the next person.

It got better for me, hope it got better for you

Another 70 years in and so will the kid

Dang the struggle is real

It took me awhile but I eventually got a therapist myself and it was life changing

I’m pulling for you guys

Yeah my wife used to give me shit for being a therapist. I came home after another day of hearing humans treating each other like animals, had to call CPS on a parent, and found out the reason one of my clients hadn’t been to session was they had been arrested for (alleged) murder.

My wife was all like “how hard is it? You just sit there and listen to people”

Lemme tell you I sat her down and looked straight into her eyeballs and I said looks around for a little bit and checks behind the curtain “Biiiiiiiiitch”

It's tough ngl

I was raised by narcissist substance abusers and developed A LOT of bad habits/survival strategies, but this was the most pernicious. Not saying you or are parents are narcissists, but my apple didn't fall far from that tree...

I would strongly recommend finding a DBT therapist to help you work out your inner dialog

In the short term, start doing things that make you respect yourself (i.e. dont tell anyone, or expect praise). You can't care about anyone more than yourself. Literally. Anything more is codependent. Your own self esteem IS the bar

I'm pulling for you, you've got a long, tough slog but you're young and asking the right questions. At least the questions I wish I had asked when I was 17 lol

Hey no shame, just figure your stuff out and learn to drop a joke after two strikes

There is

OP has a foot fetish

Yep I notice they also didn’t include their friends gender. I’m thinking op DOES have a foot fetish perved on his “friend” tried to walk it back as a joke and self-harmed in response to his consequences.

Hope he gets some therapy

This is a pretty common tactic for emotionally immature people. Basically they super overvillianize themselves for the very obvious bad thing they did in hopes they look like the victim and will be comforted

“Look at me on this cross! Have I not suffered enough?!”

Thwow him to de fwow!!

My name happens to be Harold Richard Enballz what's so funny?

It's like the hermit crab shell shuffle, but for kidneys! Awww

The universe strives for balance

Humanity has unbalanced the universe

I don't like where you're going with this.../s

Kinda how we did all the other hominids on this planet

Back in the traveling Freak Show days these little guys would be called "pickled punks". They were essentially procured (stolen) from med schools but marketed as a mysterious phenomenon

Yep family sucks

I got married in 2005 that most of my extended family didn't attend in favor of going to a donkey basketball game and I never knew what it was til now.

TBH I'm actually more hurt...

I enjoy the entirity of weird Al's life in 10 minute increments

The dumbass was funny, and the fuckface was the clincher