>I realize in reading it that I am hoping for someone to call me on my BS and tell me directly what I could do differently or what I am not seeing.

That’s understandable. You've invested a lot of yourself into a 6 year relationship and you're hoping someone will see something you aren't so that you can be given something to fix or a way to fix it because your only options at this point are to live with it or accept defeat.

This is a her problem, though, and not something you can fix for her.

It's really unfair for you to be made the scapegoat of her lack of boundaries and inability to communicate, to be made to feel as if you are doing something wrong because she has an unrealistic expectation of you being able to simply sense what she wants/needs and act accordingly with absolutely zero input from her. It's too much to ask for her to put the responsibility of her boundaries on to you. Not just respecting a well-communicated boundary, but formulating and enforcing them for her. It's not fair to you that your attempts at connecting with her are practically dismissed with an implication that meeting you at that halfway point is on par with humouring a toddler helping to "wash the dishes" (you know you'll end up with more of a mess than what you began with and probably a broken dish, but its cute that they wanted to try).

If she can't or refuses to communicate and also refuses to accept the suggestion of help in learning how to do so in your relationship, while simultaneously lowkey laying all the blame and responsibility of that on you... I don't see any of this changing. You'll get burned out trying to shoulder the whole relationship, if you haven't already.

>How do I effectively meet the needs of and communicate with a Giver who is unable to articulate their needs and expects them to be met without communicating?

Now, I'm no psychotherapist, but even I know you can't do that, especially when the things you do attempt to do without any prompting or feedback are never enough.

I fail to see how you're nothing but a "taker" when you've made innumerable attempts at giving what you think she may need, asking what she needs and even suggesting counseling to try to break the communication barrier. Sounds like a classic way to lay all the blame of her shortcomings in the relationship on you so she can avoid having to address her own issues. Either that, or she's upset you aren't a mind reader - which I don't think I need to point out is a totally unrealistic expectation.

Honestly, this just sounds toxic. She is setting you up to "fail", letting it go on for months and then exploding on you. Rinse and repeat. I am thinking she may not really be in the best place to be in a relationship.

>I said vaginas are seen as submissive and penises are seen as dominant

Lol, what?

Okay, now, I'm not the kind of person that is going to say someone can't prefer to date someone with a certain body type.

But this...

>if I don’t lose weight he’s going to leave me like he did his previous two girlfriends (both for being overweight).

Sounds like a recurring theme that probably stems from him being hypercritical. And this...

>“I don’t want to be hanging around with my friends and thinking that THEY could be thinking I could do better than you”.

Just... What? How old is he? You say 27, but I don't think he's progressed mentally from 12.

Add all that on top of the fact that you were in an accident, you are working on it, you aren't much bigger than when you met and he's even more concerned with the actual number than what you look like or whether you're healthy.

So, what would he be like if you get down to what he deems "acceptable" and then you two have a baby? Be telling you that you aren't losing the baby weight fast enough and what will his friends think while you have an infant hanging off your boob, while washing up puked on clothes and with a pile of crappy diapers to take out?

Yeck.

For some people, it's an easy discussion because there is no issues with things like retroactive jealousy or feeling like their partner is...ahem... "used", for others it's felt to be a required topic for whatever reason and then sometimes they allow it to eat away at their relationship - be it retroactive jealousy or the aforementioned "used", or simply to see if the other person aligns with their outlook on it all - which can also cause the relationship to fall apart due to differing morality, values, what have you.

If you genuinely feel that the past is the past and have no desire to allow it to dictate your future, then I would suggest not talking about it. To what end would it serve in this case? You already know she has slept with more people than you have.

I would just tell her that you would not be comfortable with the topic and thar the past is the past and you aren't going to judge her for it.

I have never used dating apps myself, but...

>I found out from a friend that she was on his bumble date page. I asked him to show me. She’s removed the pictures of us and only has pictures of her.

Even I can tell that's no bueno.

You know what this is.