I may not have been as clear as I meant to be, I have been diagnosed with a severe depression already and been prescribed antidepressants but at best I felt no different and at worst just got the temporary down that you get for the first 6 weeks lasting months before I gave up on trying to use medication. For therapy through the NHS you have to be referred by your doctor.

I am definitely being too hard on my myself personally but I would be out for blood had someone else spoke to my team leader like I did so I think that is contributing to it.

My only hope is that she is able to at least forgive me enough to still work with me but I also accept if she doesn't get there.

The main point of the meetings were about assisting with my mental health in the office. Making sure that I'm going in the right directions, the first thing that did come from it was using an occupational health for stress in the office. They called today just after posting this and I requested that we do it another day because I didn't have the capacity to deal with it.

The meeting with my manager tomorrow isn't to discuss a punishment but to allow her to step in and take the next steps. I don't think I'll be fired for this but I do feel that I shouldn't be in the team if this is how I'm acting however if I do get fired then I accept that because I did wrong

Edit: Sorry, I forgot to mention. Yeah, it's the UK in England specifically