necktie1024 t1_j6lagva wrote

I always answer questions as honestly and truthfully as I can. I've found it gets me into fun and interesting situations. Like the time that man sat next to me on a park bench and asked me "Do you know what the weather is like in Tahiti?"

"I don't, but I assume it's better than here," I answered, before being handed a bag.

"Take that to the Swedish embassy and pass it to the Ambassador's aide. All additional information is inside," the man said before standing up and walking away. I tried to stop him to ask why he didn't just do it himself, but he was moving so quickly. Besides, the Swedish embassy wasn't very far. I could pass this package along to his friend for him. I wasn't that busy that day.

Inside the bag was a portable hard drive and a photo with a name written on the back. I memorized the name (or at least how I imagined it was pronounced) and asked for him once I reached the embassy. I passed off the bag and began to make my way back to the park.

It was then that I was approached by two men in suits who offered me a ride. I couldn't say no to a ride, so I got into their black van, expecting to be dropped off at the park. Instead, they insisted on showing me an underground facility they had constructed to interrogate criminals. Then for the next few hours we just had a chat about my day over some coffee. When we were done, they dropped me off at my house. (It was too late for the park.)

A few days later, while I was taking a shortcut through an alley in Koreatown, a gentleman approached me offering a lot of money for information on the underground facility I was taken to. I told him to put his money away and told him everything I knew about the facility. He was so grateful, he offered me an all-expenses-paid vacation to Pyongyang, the Capital of North Korea. I was initially worried because I thought that North Korea was the bad one, but this man assured me it was not, so I graciously accepted.

A few days later, I was approached by two gentleman who said they worked for MI:5. I was very impressed because I love the Mission Impossible movies and number 5 is one of the best ones. They asked me if I would be able to bring them with me to Pyongyang. If I did, they would be able to reward me with another vacation, this time to merry old England. How could I resist?

I asked the kind Korean man to allow me to take my new friends with me. He was initially skeptical until I assured them they were just film makers, not spies.

Pyongyang was fun, but too short. I feel like I didn't get to experience the "real" North Korea, you know? Also, the two guys from MI:5 were constantly sneaking off during the whole trip, never telling me what they were doing. Hollywood types, right?

Our next stop was London, but first, a stop-over in Moscow where I met two very nice guys who were also on their way to London. They said they couldn't tell me who they worked for so I assumed they were also Hollywood types working on some big budget sequel, so I introduced them to the people I was traveling with. I told them that they worked for MI:5. My new Russian friends were so excited that they immediately took my MI:5 friends into a private room, likely to discuss insider filmmaker stuff. It looked like I'd be flying to London alone.

London was nice. The day before I was going to visit the set of MI:5, I was walking in the Iranian district and found myself in a back-room hookah lounge playing dominoes with a group of friendly guys who made hummus for a living. They were extremely interested that I'd be visiting MI:5 the next day. They were so interested that they asked me to wear a hidden camera so they could experience the event for themselves. I was happy to oblige. After all, I think we should all get to experience the magic of visiting a film set.

Skip forward another few weeks, I'm staying as the guest of the Emir somewhere in the middle east. This place, let me tell you, was palatial. I have never experienced luxury of this kind. I posted a bunch of pictures of social media and was getting hit up left and right by strangers who wanted more information on the place I was staying and the man who owned it. The one that caught my eye the most was a guy who said he worked for Mos Sad, the rapper from Black Star. He said he was willing to pay me a lot of money if I could send him a bunch of high resolution photos of the residence and grounds, complete with GPS tags. I told him to put his money away. Just like the movie sets, I think everyone should be able to experience this kind of luxury, even if it's virtually.

When I got back home, the guys who had the underground facility invited me back for another coffee chat. I told them all about my time in Pyongyang, Moscow, London and the UAE. I told them about Mission Impossible 5 and Mos Sad. The story seemed to make them really angry. I guess they were jealous of the jet-setting lifestyle I was living.

They dropped me off at home and told me to keep this secret recorder on me at all times in case any other fun things happen to me. I obliged, considering how jealous these guys seemed to be of me. The recording device was nice, but not as nice as the other recording devices I've been given over the years. I find it clunky to carry seven little microphones with you wherever you go, but what can I say? People just love to listen in on my little adventures.