I'm so glad to hear that they survived. I can't imagine the horror of attempting suicide and then changing your mind after it's (almost) too late to do anything about it.

Thank you for the job that you do. It must be incredibly stressful, traumatic, and disheartening, but hopefully the times when you're able to help someone help mitigate that a bit.

I plan on having my remains offered to a hungry polar bear.

Hmm. I hate to tell you this, but I think we're all stuck in the fourth dimension.

Unlike this comment, which will forever be stuck in 2022.

Sucks to be you, comment.

That's actually a really sweet answer, especially for a ~13-year-old! Now I know how I want to be murdered.

I wonder what would happen if you were to turn yourself in. I guess it'd be a matter of how long you'd be willing to sit in a cell feigning captivity before getting bored and leaving. Anyway, death, while unpleasant, will always be a necessity.

Also, looks like you can make some wicked prank calls now.

Perhaps you can come up with a pithy last line. Something better than "You've been expecting me, and I'm not here for your tax payment."

As an adult man couldn't possibly fit in your belly, and because you didn't describe his body, I picture Roger as a man's head on a baby's torso and legs with adult-size feet. Is your twin a Hobbit?

Maybe he plans on trying to grow his own humans in jars.

Out of curiosity, I stayed at a capsule hotel in Japan once, and their "pods" seem about equivalent in size to a coffin apartment, at least the ones I've seen in articles. To be honest, it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected; kind of cozy, though I still think it felt like the human equivalent of a kennel.

However, I'm also pretty petite, and I only stayed for one night. The idea of living in one is mind-breaking. You can't even stand up. I'm sure many people can't even sit up straight.

I have a feeling she'd take anything, as long as it's given in good faith.

E.A.R.T.H.! E.A.R.T.H.!

Everyone wondering whether the school paper would print gossip are assuming OP would be using them as stories in themselves, which would be silly. All OP needs to do is write the actual story about the machine and say it dispensed an envelope, then include the photos. No comment about the content of those photos needed.

The plant is technically an herb, I think. And bananas are berries.

But that's all BS. A banana is a fruit, and I refuse to believe anything different.

Be careful, though. If you eat too much licorice, it can mess with your heart (seriously). But you have to eat a ton of it, so you're probably fine.

I despise licorice but love candy corn.

Ah, the old interrogate-the-murder-suspect-in-a-cage-in-your-hidden-basement trick. I remember that from my days with the FBI.

I'm very sad that it killed Billy, but for some reason, I kind of feel bad for the creature.

Oh crap, did the mimic get you midsentence??