oliverjsn8 t1_jearweb wrote

Would be an interesting twist.

The older Olivia Jordon sat outside her daughter’s door sipping her ‘mamma juice.’ She listened to all the questions her daughter spouted out, “almost” feeling sorry for the big rube. Sure it had cost her her soul, it’s not like she used it anyways.

Olivia returned to the living room straightening her Harvard law degree. “Don’t mess with the best,” were her last words before she plopped down in the sofa and drifted off to her first good nap in the last three years.


oliverjsn8 t1_je9o2i2 wrote

Great, at least We didn’t want Us to play some type of game before We’s attempt at escape. Already confusing enough without an Abbot and Costello bit. (Search ‘Who’s on First’. Into your choice of search engine.)


oliverjsn8 t1_je7sben wrote

You couldn’t help but smile, you loved your job and all the loop holes that you had created. Modern technology has made it almost too easy. You pull out your tablet computer and present the woman with your deal all written out in an electronic document. She pours over the document carefully reading it out loud…

“In return for the immortal soul of Olivia Jordan, 0livia Jordan will gain the servitude of Kwresteren third prince of the second ring of pride for the rest of 0livia Jordan’s life….”

Olivia reads through the rest of the documents having skipped over the fact that the one gaining his servitude was 0livia spelt with a zero and a one and not a “O” and and “L”. Someone who didn’t even exist.

Olivia digitally signed her name and the deal was sealed! You laugh heartily as you poof in a cloud of red smoke. Which was odd…

Before your great frame stood a girl no older than three. The girl smiles with her prominent dimples and waives at you, “Hi mister smells like eggs! He... he… I’ll call you Eggbutt.” Confused you look around as you are in a bright pink travesty of a room filled with doodles and dolls. The girl in front of you is wearing a stained pink princess nightshirt.

“My name is … Eggbutt!?!” You are unable to correct the tiny lady standing in front of you. It feels like what she has said was… binding?

“Hi, Mr. Eggbutt I’m 0livia and my mom says to make sure you spelled with a sea-0h and a un. That is because I am special and my name needs to be un….un… unique.” 0livia starts to bounce around and ask so so many questions…325 of them to be precise. As per the contract you are bound to answer each and every one to the best of your ability. “Why is the grass green? What’s your favorite color? Why do you smell like eggs Mr. Eggbutt? Why does mom need her special juice that I cannot have cause I’m not old enough? Where do babies come from?”


oliverjsn8 t1_je2iet7 wrote

Greeting, writer

We thank you for removing SCP-682 from the wiki but we did not realize your ‘alternative’ account would also need removed. We plead that you also remove SCP-682 from your ‘SCP Rule 34 fan-fiction account.’

The ability to ‘adapt to any position’ is somehow even more disturbing than her/his original abilities. Our physiologists are concerned about your and by extension our health.



oliverjsn8 t1_jdwq6im wrote

Post Script:

Daniel couldn't do anything but flinch as the Father placed his hand on Daniel's shoulder. Oblivion, Hell, or something else was his expectation but instead nothing. "Don't believe everything they say, demons lie." said Geniol. The Father pushed past Daniel and opened the door. The parents quickly ran into the room and hugged their child who was just now coming to.

The Father and Daniel retreated and made their way down the stairs toward the car which waited in the circular drive. Along the way Daniel gathered some courage and looked at the Father, "You cannot be human." Not even turning around the Father replied, "Nope." Geniol reached the car and opened Daniel's door, gesturing Daniel into the vehicle. Reluctantly Daniel took his seat.

The car pulled from the drive and past the gate. "If you are not human, then what are you? Are you going to eat my 'corrupted soul?'" asked Daniel, the last bit being in Latin. The Father looked at Daniel "I am cursed wretch and no I'm not eating your 'corrupted soul' I don't eat beings like myself." Daniel replied "Like Christians?"

The car veered hard to the left and braked. The Father was laughing hard, his smile stretched unnaturally wide and his fist slammed into the dash. "Like Christians he says... ha... you are not an idiot. Think before you speak, child. I don't eat things like me, like cannibals." Daniel was taken aback, "Cannibals?!?"

The Father suddenly looked darkly at Daniel, the mirth previously seen was completely gone. The air grew unnaturally cold. "Daniel, the Vatican knows fully well what I am and who I am. I am kept around because I benefit them. They provide me food and I provide them a service, that they are welcome to take credit for. I eat the little demons which have seeped into this world through little crevasses, and on occasion they provide me a treat of a lost sinner or two. I don't eat my followers, cannibals people who devour their own kind. Like you..." The Father stretched a finger into Daniels chest.

Daniel stuttered, "But I have never ate another human being..." Father Geniol harshly rebuked him, "You don't have to have ate a persons flesh to have consumed them." Father Geniol then gave Daniel a knowing smile.

The car then pulled back on the road with Father Geniol and his apprentice in tow.


oliverjsn8 t1_jdvu6q5 wrote

The young, naive man sat next to ‘Father’ Geniol. The Vatican had assigned him to be the father’s latest apprentice. Daniel had just recently taken on the vestments of a holy man but quickly found himself in trouble for his ‘carnal desires.’ His choices were to suffer excommunication or to become the apprentice to the Father here. Daniel took the later knowing while it was almost a guaranteed death sentence, at least he would be welcome into the kingdom of Heaven. It would… just be a little quicker than he had originally planned, thought Daniel.

The Father took a swig from his holy water font(?) “Father did you just take a drink of holy water?”, asked Daniel. Turning to Daniel and no longer looking at the road ahead, the scent of whiskey overwhelmed Daniel. “Yeap, thank our Lord Jameson. Amen” Daniel was appalled at this blasphemy but held his tongue least he earn yet another black eye from the Father.

Barely missing an oncoming truck, the Father swerved the car somehow sensing the danger without at glance. “Come now ‘child’ if the son of man’s blood is wine a nip or two of alcohol only brings us closer to him.” Daniel could only bite his tongue harder and may also have wet himself.

Looking a bit disappointed the Father put the font back into his front pocket and again looked at the road. Daniel had witnessed the power of this holy man next to him. His aura was palpable when he stepped into a room as he would quickly slur some prayers in Latin, Greek and other languages. These prayers seemed to seal the room and cause the demons to reel in fear. The Father would then approach the demon who would scream and plead. Then with a simple touch the Father would exorcise the abomination.

The Father and Daniel were on their way to a mansion where something powerful had taken hold of the manor’s youngest. Whatever it was had slain a fellow priest and drove another mad. It was such cases that the Vatican would send Father Geniol and by extension his apprentice.

Arriving later that day, the Father quickly gathered his possessions and practically dragged Daniel inside. “Are we not going to rest and pray,” asked Daniel. “No rest for the wicked,” came the reply from the Father with an uncharacteristic chuckle. They were ushered upstairs to a room with a door barely on its hinges. The Father removed his Font (the same one as he had previously drank from) and made a big spectacle of splashing the door frame before the worried parents.

As if on cue the occupant of the room started screeching and scratching. Daniel thought for a second and realized this one spoke Latin. Previously these demons spoke either an unfamiliar language or what he assumed was the language of Hell. Quickly entering the door the Father started approaching the possessed child who was in the corner. Daniel heard the demon shout in Latin. “Devourer please come no closer, let me leave this child.” The small hands of the child pointed at him. “Devourer why do you want to eat me, that corrupted man’s soul would be much more satisfying. Just leave me…”

The Father finished approaching the child and with a forceful shove, the child fell limply to the floor. The sense of foreboding emanating from the fragile frame gone. Thinking back at the other exorcisms, Daniel realized that every one of the possessed had gestured similarly in his direction. He had thought they were pointing to the door but no it was him…

Daniel felt behind him at the doorknob and quickly retracted his hand… it was scalding hot. Father Geniol seeing the understanding in Daniels face, started to approach him.


oliverjsn8 t1_jdhk4et wrote

Part 2:

“Who knew that I cannot be reforged or melted. That list includes: me, your great great grandfather , and now you.” Said JustShutUpAlready.

Sweat pours from your brow as you walk away from the brick forge you constructed in the garage. Looking at JustShutUpAlready, you start to wonder if swords hold grudges.

“Hey listen, mythical talking swords do hold grudges.”

Did you say that out loud, you think.

JustShutUpAlready interrupted this train of thought saying. “No master you did not say that out loud. Also some magical talking swords can read their wielders mind… also Flo is not considered ‘hot’ anymore.”

You decide things are going to be a lot more complicated than you thought.


oliverjsn8 t1_jdheu9j wrote

“Who knew that I would only reform, when melted in a forage. The list includes: me, your great great grandfather and now you.”

You look down at the glowing red sword that is a very uncomfortably 5 feet from your person.

“As I am currently at over 1000 F you cannot touch me without sever burns.”


oliverjsn8 t1_jdhd9p6 wrote

“Hey listen, swords are not a TSA approved carry on items” You hear the all too familiar voice come from your side. JustShutUpAlready the mighty legendary sword hangs from a belt at your side. It is bound to you and has to be in a five foot radius of your person at all times. You see that there is no next button on the YouTube video so there will be a second ad after the one for visiting Ireland. “That is an advertisement you son of a b——.”

“Son of a b—— isn’t my name, it’s JustShutUpAlready. The name my maker, your great great grandfather, gave me before passing away.”

You think to yourself, why didn’t I learn Gaelic that way I could have read the warning on that box.

“You do not have a car so you do not need to ‘Select your own coverage’.” Said JustShutUpAlready.

You seriously consider using the sword to slice your own throat but hold off… again. You see the skip ad button and click it.

A cheery man with a big round gut starts to speak. “I’m going to show you how to smelt metal…”

JustShutUpAlready speaks up. “Metal melts when you… oh…”