Snaab

Snaab OP t1_jcjcp89 wrote

Hey! It’s good to hear from you, and I’m glad to know you’ve been taking positive steps in your day-to-day life. You’re spot on — getting on top of a few little things can make a massive difference in how we feel overall. It’s one of life’s simplest hacks that is, somehow, far too easy to lose sight of or even forget about entirely. So keep it up! Those might be small things, but they truly matter.

I’ve been doing better with brushing my teeth lately, too. Staying on top of the kitchen is a hard one for me, and it’s spotless right now! As far as exercising, I recently bought these 12-sided “workout dice”. Two of them have various common exercises on them, and the third has both reps and durations (in seconds). I was having the hardest time for a while waking up in the mornings. So now I keep those dice — along with my phone, a glass of water, and my medicine — out in the living room. When my alarm goes off, the long walk to turn it off, then chugging a full glass of water with my meds, wakes me up enough to at least not unconsciously immediately snooze and fall back asleep. Without skipping a beat, I roll the dice and do whatever they say. Then I re-roll and do round 2. By the time I get done with a third little exercise that takes no longer than 90 seconds, my blood is flowing and I feel energized and ready to give the day my best shot haha. As a bonus that whole process has allowed me to be super consistent with taking my meds! Total game changer.

But anyway, I’ve been meaning for a long time now to get into the habit of stretching (and meditating) every day. Hearing about your progress has inspired me to start today! So thanks for the update. I’m genuinely happy you’re doing well :)

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Snaab OP t1_jbryvi7 wrote

Oof, that’s a real tough one because of how widely and relentlessly alcohol is woven into every corner of society. I’ve never had a problem with booze, personally, but I do know addiction. And in my experience, professional help is paramount in overcoming/learning to navigate the nuances of addiction.

I believe in you!

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Snaab OP t1_jbp9im7 wrote

Huehuehuehuehue

How’s that?

I do know who Stalin is, and what a gulag is. And I’m also well aware of the indisputable fact that only the funniest people know that you need to say “just kidding” in order to unlock the full potential of comedy. I should know, I have to explain my jokes, and I make people laugh all the time. It used to happen everywhere I go. It still does, but it used to, too. At least now I know they’re laughing with me while I cry, rather than at me.

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Snaab OP t1_jbp49o6 wrote

Hey I’ve been there, and I’ll likely arrive there again. But then I will eventually find my way back to feeling as decent as I currently do, one way or another. That’s just life. Keep going, friend. Thanks for reaching out, and best regards.

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Snaab OP t1_jbp2l4o wrote

Well I am absolutely terrible at detecting sarcasm, and admittedly had to look up what caligula meant, so that certainly didn’t set me up for success :P

But your P.S. did get a good laugh out of me, so thanks for the reply. As someone who doesn’t go to parties, I won’t see you there but I’m glad you’re having fun and making people laugh.

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Snaab OP t1_jboy4du wrote

Sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I of course don’t know your specific situation, but hear me out:

My mom and dad got divorced just last year. After the initial, inevitable hardship my siblings and I went through while we processed our new reality, we are all better off; especially, my parents. They are still every bit as committed to each other as they ever were during their 36 years of marriage. In fact, they text or call every day. But now they get to truly live their lives every day, without having the stress/pressure of trying to cohabitate with another person who naturally exists almost completely opposite from how they each want to. Having their own space and being able to rebuild their independence has empowered my parents to bring their healthiest selves to every family get-together, and they are both amazing grandparents to my brothers’ kids.

My uncle and aunt also got divorced, about a decade ago. She (my dad’s sister) is still obviously around. But he moved back to Canada and no longer comes to family get togethers. They both have healthy relationships with their 3 kids, but they don’t spend any time or keep in touch with each other anymore. Regardless, they are both out there living their best lives.

I also know a couple who got divorced. They then both remarried. One of their partners died. The other got divorced a second time. And then, after 30-odd years, they reconnected and have now been married and loving life together for the last decade.

Finally, there are countless examples of people working through the hardest of times, practicing self-growth, learning how to compromise, and ultimately salvaging a healthy, lifelong marriage that was previously on the verge of collapsing. It requires equal participation from both parties, and it’s hard as hell, but it can be done!

My point is that no matter what happens, whether you end up leaving your husband, or collaboratively rebuilding your love from the ground up — it’s going to be okay. I’m sorry you are going through it, but you are going to be okay. You can handle it, and you’ll come out of these exceptionally hard times a better, stronger person. I wish you the best through it all.

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Snaab OP t1_jboquov wrote

I’m so sorry to hear that. Just to throw it out there, I experienced suicidal ideation too in the past, when my circumstances were different. Now it’s been a long time since it’s happened to me, but I never rule out that it might show up again.

My best friend still experiences suicidal ideation off and on. It used to be pretty much constant for him for years, but at this point it is few and far between, lasting just a few hours when it happens. He has accepted the fact that it is just something he experiences, but has learned that it never lasts. He tries to tell me when it does. And even though it doesn’t “make it go away”, he says it always helps just to hear me say I love him and that am here for him, whatever he may need — even if it’s just to know I care.

So now I am saying the same to you. And there are many other people out there who would do the same. If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me on here and I promise to respond! And if you can think of anyone you know personally in life who you trust to know how you feel, who can show you they care without “freaking out” or being overbearing about it, I highly recommend reaching out to them.

Just know that it will pass, and that — aside from how you feel/think when it comes vs. when it goes — the fact that you matter stays the same.

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Snaab OP t1_jbom079 wrote

I appreciate your thoughts. I agree, it is hard to believe sometimes what we are capable of, on both sides of the spectrum. We as a species can accomplish seemingly impossible things, yet the smallest stuff can effectively cripple us at times if we let it. And you’re totally right that love is the best way to get through just about anything. Thanks for the thoughtful response.

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Snaab OP t1_jboldw1 wrote

Exactly, I really relate to that. It’s all about the trajectory, not necessarily where we are at any given moment. All we can do is keep trying! And it never helps to tear ourselves down.

You’re welcome, and thanks for your response.

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Snaab OP t1_jbokcjk wrote

I admitted I don’t know you, but wasn’t lying when I said I am happy to reach you. I figured someone like you would show up to doubt my authenticity, and that’s okay. I myself have seen comments similar to my post and rolled my eyes at strangers “pretending to care about each other”. But I’m in a different place now.

I really do care about you, despite not knowing you, and even if you don’t care about me back. I hope you are doing okay, and I highly doubt that you’re a “Caligula like figure” in most people’s lives that cross paths with you. Try not to let unhappy people jade you against the rest of us.

If you ever wanna talk, feel free to reach out. Take care, stranger.

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Snaab OP t1_jbmyud8 wrote

Aw man, I feel for you. Getting broken up with is one of the worst feelings; especially, during the phase you’re in right now where you’re abruptly being forced to come to terms with the structure of your days being so different. It’s unavoidable.

For what it’s worth…thankfully, the best prescription for a broken heart works its magic whether you want it to or not — and that’s time.

I’ve gone through it myself (by the woman I truly believed I was going to marry). I felt like I was never going to find anyone as good as her again. I tortured myself over “the things I could have done better” and turned to dating apps to try to quickly fill the void she left in my life, but it only made it hurt worse.

Before I knew it I found myself in a deep depression that I had to climb my way out of through weekly counseling sessions. In my case it took about 3 months for me to get back to the point where I was “standing” and could honestly tell someone that I was “okay” at any given moment. Then it took about two years after that, as well as a few more trial relationships to find the woman I’ve now been with for 4 years, married for 3, and can’t wait to grow old with if we’re lucky.

And you know what? While I definitely could and should have done some things better that might have made things work with my ex, hindsight has me 100% convinced that we simply weren’t right for each other.

I know you didn’t request any advice on your current situation (if this even qualifies as advice). I just wanted to offer some insight into another dude’s experience with what you’re going through. Wish I could tell it to myself back then. Hang in there man.

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