specialagentunicorn t1_jdnsz9z wrote

It is not considered as a disorder as per the DSM. Age regression can be an aspect of trauma or DID or other disorders, but not in the context that OP has described. It is not a regression of a few years (as typical with children experiencing regression in response to something) and is done by choice as opposed to DID which is outside of the person’s control. The real difference is voluntary vs involuntary. Voluntary can be used as a means or relaxation or other things- but it is of one’s volition to engage in it.

They are engaging in regression- they are not ‘unable’ to behave otherwise.


specialagentunicorn t1_jdns8ik wrote

So- age regression can be a trauma response or something used in the context of therapeutic approaches to address past trauma (as in, with a therapist trained in the technique, although the use of this practice can be debated). People and more specifically kids with sometimes regress in response to big events (like their main care giver going back to work, moving houses, etc). The lay practice of engaging in this activity could have a wide array of rationale and implications. If this person is utilizing this as a coping technique at will (meaning there are choosing to engage in it) and not ‘stuck’ in this state regardless of environment or circumstance (meaning they would do it at work or in the grocery store, at home) then it could be that they are choosing times to engage in this activity.

People can essentially do what they want when they want (within the parameters of the law)- however, one could reasonably argue that when one chooses to engage in this behavior it should be so with regard to their environment and those around them. Others are not obligated to indulge the behavior (even if it is reportedly a coping behavior). Expecting others around you to completely understand and interact with the behavior is unacceptable unless otherwise, beforehand mutually agreed. (Additionally, there are other reasons to engage in this behavior which would not include coping, which could be in violation of someone else’s autonomy).

We are not islands and cannot reasonably expect others to understand and agree to engage with all behaviors we choose to utilize. Think about what if this person decided that screaming out for 5 seconds was something they liked or found useful. Okay. But they decide to do it in your living room, every 15 minutes. Would that not impact you? What if they went to the ICU and did the same behavior? It would not be okay and they would have to leave. Regardless of their personal rationale (even if it is possibly a trauma related behavior), it would not be acceptable to have them continue it in certain circumstances as it would impede on the needs of others.

In this situation, you were asking for clarity and information, they reacted. In a behavioral trend that is fairly individualized, understanding the nuances would require discussion. If someone wants you to participate in a behavior, it would be important that they discuss it with you. That being said, some questions can come across as blunt or otherwise- and should be asked before hand for clarity.

Finally, we do not have to condone or co-sign anyone’s behavioral choices- coping or otherwise. It is okay to say this doesn’t work for me. And it’s okay for them to say I don’t like you or I think you’re being this or that. It really all depends how much you care to get involved in this. It sounds like you like this person and because of that, you’re taking on this whole practice. But it doesn’t sound like you’re informed as to the ‘rules’ of it and therefore, leaves you little protection and understanding. So at this juncture, it would be super inappropriate to engage with it. Until and unless you not only are fully informed and agree, it should not be happening. This is fully a consent issue, full stop- regardless if it under the context of intimacy or sex or not.


specialagentunicorn t1_jdfdbyv wrote

It’s not an either or situation OP. There has to be some other solutions for you. Her kicking your chair is totally not okay. And while I understand how upsetting that is, you assaulted this person. As an adult and depending on what state you reside in, this is a felony and can be a minimum of 1 year in prison plus a charge on your record for a person to person crime. So, as you only received the suspension, you were kinda fortunate in that regard. We can argue all day about bullies (and believe me, it’s not okay and that it is allowed in schools despite them professing a no tolerance policy is abhorrent). It doesn’t mean that you have to sit and ‘take it’ either.

So let’s look at it. What other options did you have? Could you tell her to stop loudly to get attention from others/adults around you? Could you have gotten up from your chair and moved? Could you have gotten up and told the teacher you needed to be excused?

I think that the additional options you can think up will help you in future. I think it’s something to discuss with your dad and school admin as well. They need to provide you a safe ‘out’ so to speak. If you get up and move and get in trouble, I would think that your dad would be okay with that choice. It’s really important to talk about it. I know that there seems to be a lot of people advocating hitting this person, but they’re not speaking in your best interest. Neither do they volunteer to sit in jail for you or pay your legal fees if this happens again or when you’re older.


specialagentunicorn t1_j22cyfl wrote

I’m sorry that you’ve had such a difficult experience. And Reddit can be a cruddy place with knee-jerk reactions and lack of context. So, let me come at it from a different angle- I get you’re hurting and looking for outlets to escape or cope or deal. It’s really hard. There’s no words or magic that makes it easier. But I wanna encourage you (if you’re not already) to seek treatment. Trauma is an ugly monster that can be a challenge to cope with and there’s a ton of people who have walked that road. Stay safe and be well.


specialagentunicorn t1_j221xhe wrote

I get that we all make bad choices from time to time, but kiddo- you need to apologize to your mom. For one, it’s illegal but maybe even more importantly, you know how against alcohol your mom is and the reasons why. This is bigger than being bored, it’s super disrespectful.

It could be super triggering to her as well. This isn’t one of those parents being overboard with their rules. You gotta sort this out and be honest.