>Have you ever expressed to him how you want him to support you when you are talking about your emotions or feelings?

Yes, he's done a better job in a sense, but he still tries to fix my problem when all I want him to do is listen and sympathize. Most of my issues are just with dealing with 3 kids alone all day, then having to close at my job at night. I'm stressed and sometimes just need to vent. When I want solutions I usually state that before I start talking because I know sometimes he tunes in and out (which is totally fine when venting)

>Maybe start by asking him to just let you vent to him first, then start asking for his opinion on whats going

He sometimes does this, but usually he tells me he doesn't want to talk about whatever it is or tells me not to worry about his shit. I've told him this makes me feel left out of his emotions and thoughts and he apologizes.

>Would he be open to seeing a councilor with you? that way you can discuss your feelings and they can provide him with tips and tricks on how to respond and help you?

This is literally what I want. I don't want to see someone to "fix us" as he thinks, I just want a 3rd party there to help direct conversation in a polite and direct way with minimal confusion on our ends. He said he will not do this because he thinks they're going to convince me to leave him, that he's the source of the issues we have, be told that he needs to change, that I fell in love with someone broken etc. He doesn't grasp that I just want to communicate with him effectively. I'm exhausted, and I know he is too.

Thank you so much for your reply.

I want my husband to be the guy I come to so desperately, but he flat out refuses to work on his communication skills. When I come to him with my feelings (maybe once a week with something I'd like to discuss) if he doesn't understand them he gaslights me. I don't think this is intentional but is due to his upbringing. When I told him that I don't feel comfortable coming to him with my feelings anymore because of his past responses, he shut down and basically said I'm making problems. I had put distance between our friend and I for about a month but after we saw him last we started talking every day again.

What do you think I should do if he continues to not want to work on his receptiveness and communication? I can't force him to do it, and I really don't want to leave him. I love him to pieces and this is really the only area we have issues, but unfortunately it's an important area. At this point I'm starting to think he wants me to feel this way about his friend. Like you said, he's getting the perks without the work. I think he genuinely doesn't understand feelings and is scared of them, especially his own. Maybe that's why he's so okay with this, because he's shut his feelings off in that sense. I feel he loves me a lot, and I love him a lot too.

You know I was just gonna let your comment slide but I do have one thing to point out.

You are ignorant. Cheating has different definitions in different relationships. Example: my friend has an agreement with her partner that she may have sex with others, as long as she tells her partner before/after it happens. My other friend isn't even allowed to hang out with the opposite sex, or it is cheating. Different relationships have different boundaries and it's bold of you to assume anyone's boundaries.

When I flirted with his friend, I told my husband the morning after and he said it happens sometimes and just asked me to not do that again. And I have not. Did I cross a line? Yes. But did I cheat on him? No.

You are being overly critical of someone who is on an advice sub. Nothing about your comment was advice, it was all criticism.

thumbs up

Thanks.