She just wanted some time together to get comfortable. She said that i should have realised how important it is for me to be honest about this knowing her views on sex. I spoke to her about my previous relationship and apparently what irked her the most was how much i tried to avoid mentioning it. Go and figure that lol. I knew about her insecurities but apparently tip toeing around it only made it worse. I asked her if it would be possible for us to get back together in the future and she said she'd definitely consider it. I think I'll seek professional help to help correct how i react to her feelings in general.

Thank you for listening to me, you're very kind. God bless.

We texted each other about what happened today. Here is what I think I understood. Her values dictate that you need to make it clear to your partner about the experience you've had. She thought it was special that we'd share our first time together (we haven't had sex yet because we've lived together only for a couple of months). She'd just be a little miffed about it if I'd told her before. Now, she holds me responsible for not telling her this before we've even considered having sex. I feel like we'd definitely have spoken about it before our first time together.

Now, I also spoke to her about how she felt about my ex. She admits that my behaviour early on made her feel threatened by my ex girlfriend (we were long distance back then and I hadn't figured out her love language). I don't blame her for this. But the strange thing is, I think she genuinely was in denial about me being physically intimate with my ex girlfriend. Despite me trying to tell her that I did have some experience, she didn't really process it at the time.

Honestly it just seems as though we are people with different values and beliefs who do a terrible job at communicating these beliefs. Sure I did mess up by not immediately making it clear but the reason her reaction is so extreme is because of things beyond my control.

I'm 22, she's 24

Thank you for your reply.

>It sounds like she might be scared of your ex, and can’t handle the fact that you A. Had sex with your ex, and B. Lied to her, because what else have you lied about? (In

I think this is spot on. We've known each other since before we started dating. I did speak to her about my ex back then and at one point I did say that I'd have liked it if we got back together. There were clearly unresolved feelings I had. I took my time to work through them before I started dating again. I don't think my girlfriend believed for the longest time that I was completely over my ex. Once we did start dating I avoided any conversation about my previous relationship.

When all of this went down, I told her that her attitude towards my ex made it difficult for me to come clean about being sexually involved. She doesn't want want to share the blame for any of it and says that it's all on me and that I shouldn't have waited this long to come clean.

Now that you mention it, it is weird that this was so difficult for me to talk about. I'm going to have to reflect on this a little.

Thank you for saying this. I too hope that we're able to move past this some day. Even if we're not able to, I still think I'm going to take the time to build the courage and the ability to have difficult conversations with my partner

>What is the "joke"?

It might sound weird now that I think about it, but it'd be comments along the lines of "haha you've never touched a girl before".

I see your point but I don't think i can redeem myself over lying to her.

That's the thing, she's told me that it wouldn't have come to this if I didn't lie about it. I don't think she can get herself to trust me on anything anymore

I don't really think that is an issue. Apologies if my post made it seem that way. Her issue is that I lied to her about it, or didn't have the balls to clear it up

She never asked the question directly and I never said anything about it either. I wasn't sure if she was joking about me being a virgin till a few months back when I realised she'd assumed this for the longest time. Even before this, I'd tried telling her once that I'd had experience in an indirect way and she brushed it off. We never had a direct conversation about it.

I don't really know at this point. She just doesn't trust me anymore. She thinks it's disrespectful that I didn't tell her about it. All of these are feelings that I don't think are uncalled for.

Why do you think so. I feel like a horrible person for lying about something for so long