I’m sorry that you experience this feeling in your relationship. This comment resonated with me because I feel as though my fiancé may feel similarly sometimes. I do think that I show him appreciation when he does things around the house, but I can also be highly critical and not as appreciative of his progress, and that must leave him feeling like his progress doesn’t count for anything. It does and this comment helped me realize that I need to show that in my actions. Have you told your wife this or do you feel like she would be receptive? Perhaps she may not realize the impact she is having on you.

You put this well and this comment feels pretty validating, as someone on the anxious side of an anxious/avoidant relationship.