Again, stop saying it's this big 'lie' and that she 'betrayed' you. I mean, you said you have wanted her to see a therapist for years and never told her. Isn't that kind of a betrayal? As for her not being honest with you, sometimes therapy is something people want to keep private so focus on this being a chance to be more open with each other and how great it is to want to grow and seek help.

If you want to seek therapy, please do it for yourself, there are often some free outlets for you to at least get an initial few sessions like through workplace benefits, etc. But don't hold it against your gf that she has done this for herself...you can't resent her for doing something you wish you could, but haven't.

So...first off give her some space for calling it a 'lie'. Approach it with 'look, I want to talk this out, I love you, and we need to sort this through.'

I got angry because I could tell you were not telling me the truth about the therapist. Seeing a therapist is not something you need to keep from me, I support it (if you do?) so I just want to understand why you felt you had to hide it?

Then, be open to what she says. If she says she thought you'd flip out, tell her you're sorry you gave that impression to her and reassure her how you feel about it. I mean...DO you support her seeing a therapist? Ask her if she kept it a secret because she didn't want to answer questions about why? Do you KNOW why she's seeing someone? Might there be relationship problems? Anyway...be open to listening, if someone is seekign therapy that is ALWAYS a good thing, and be supportive, apologize if you gave any notion that you'd flip out...and while you're at it, apologize for going off the deep end about it. Yes, she held that back from you, but it's not a lie like I'm going on a business trip but instead I went to vegas with friends. She did it for a reason, the issue here is finding out the reason and making it so she doesn't feel she has to lie to you about therapy.

I can understand that you are concerned, but even though you say you trust her, you don't. And maybe she thought if she said 'it's private, so can you please trust me and respect my privacy' that you wouldn't understand. Yes, her 'friend' response made you suspicious but she should be able to say 'it's private' and have you be ok with that.

I hope it works out, but please talk to her and let her know it's ok that she has private things in her life, and to come up with an agreed upon way to communicating that to each other.

Ha, clearly.

Or, since dudes play games just as much as they complain WE do, he could have done it on purpose to kind of show you he's NOT putting effort into this, as a relationship.

Either way, if it's just a fwb and transactional...you're not worried about cultivating a 'relationship', then definitely set out your standards. YOu can say 'yeah...I'm not going back to your place unless you clean up. I'm not sleeping directly on a mattress and wiping crumbs off my skin. So, I'm sorry, but you either 'really' clean up this time, or we stay at my place.

You'll be able to figure out if/when you get tired of his laziness and always being the host.

I"m not quite following...you said "If I meet him again from now on, I definitely want to avoid him and will just stick to my place. So my dilemma is, should I do him the favour of letting him know the reason I won't go back, or just stay polite and say nothing?"

So do you plan on seeing him again, or you're ending it?

If you're ending it, go ahead and tell him. Do the 'break up' part then say' and to be honest, I was pretty uncomfortable in your place, I felt very unwelcomed and not valued as a guest by how little effort you put into tidying or cleaning.

If you're NOT ending it, and it doesn't bother you to stay at your place, then just keep offering your place, and if he ever says 'what about mine', then say, 'yeah so about that, I totally want to do things equally but I feel like maybe you don't really want guests over?' When he's like 'what do you mean', then say 'I just felt a little uncomfortable there, I like sheets on a bed and I just felt like I was always wiping crumbs off me'. So I don't mind meeting at my place.

If you're not ending it and you DO want to be able to stay at his place, tell him sooner rather than later, and depending on how well you communicate, you can make it light hearted... Next time you agree to get together, you can say 'so I can come to your place but like, YOu've been to my place, you see what my apartment is like, I like a made bed, with sheets on it...I mean, girls like neat and tidy, you know? (laugh)