tmoers123456 t1_iroc84c wrote

Are you super competitive?

I always thought "oh I'm competitive & so is my family" bc I grew up playing board games w my family (including grandparents, aunts/uncles etc) and it always felt like the game was not about "family fun" instead it was about "WIN AT ALL COST"

But then I met my hubby & his family and I realized my family was healthy (well at least healthier) than my hubby & his family. And it was not just board games either, any kind of sports the kids were in, holy cow did my oldest son & middle daughter have my hubby's INSANELY competitive gene, meanwhile my youngest son & I were like "umm isnt point of a FAMILY BOARD GAME NIGHT to have fun + learn thing - not lose your mind if you lost at Yahtzee"

Then when our oldest son gave us our 1st grandson is when I realized that the "insanely competitiveness" is an actual gene passed on genetically bc one time we were sitting on floor w our about 9mo old grandson & we had that toddler game of a ball with different cut out shapes all around it & then matching shaped blocks to put in each matching hole. So I started it out by SLOWLY showing grandson how it worked. And he was doing well at it, enjoying it until my hubby came & dumped all shaped blocks in a pile then he tried to speed through the game and when he quickly put all shapes in threw his hands up yelling TIME! My grandson was laughing & clapping BUT had been watching INTENSELY so that after hubby he made me put blocks in pile and then he started trying to RUSH THROUGH as fast as hubby did it. And OF COURSE he could not do it like that but he got SO FRUSTRATED that he started almost hurting his hands to shove blocks into holes until I took it away bc he was NOT having fun, not learning & hurting himself and he was PISSED! And at that moment I realized that there is competitive & then there is the type of competitiveness that pushes great athletes- WHO GET THE FRUSTRATION UNDER CONTROL! Our oldest died about 2 wks after our grandson turned 1yrs old & our daughter in law remarried a man who was different than our son. And when our grandson got old enough to start playing sports that unsportsmanlike competitiveness came out & altho I understood where it came from his parents were not understanding & he did really well in band from 5th grade - 8th grade bc he was still competitive but it was in ways that were not hurling a ball in anger but more like pushed himself to learn new music PERFECTLY & his parents didn't have to get him to practice he was so hard on himself if he had a bad practice that he would go for hours practicing on his own. Then during his summer going into High School he joined golf team bc his other set of grandparents played golf & really pushed him to quit band & join golf team. Which he did but during his Christmas break his grandparents sent him to like an anger frustration management camp bc he just couldn't get his rage under control bc he expected to b the best right away and when he wasn't he would lose his mind

Anyway I'm telling you all of this bc our middle daughter was same way. She is now 33yrs old and even tho she has a college degree, bachelor of science w a major in biology minor in chemistry graduated number 14 out of graduating class, she has yet to have a job that she has stuck w except she walks dogs. She married a man who wants to b the next Tony Robinson .. and they have come to realize that my daughters "competitiveness" has basically paralyzed her bc she is so afraid to help her hubby out w even the low end admin stuff bc she is too afraid to fail. So she is in therapy to help her but I KNOW her biggest problem in life is she expects the best FROM HERSELF & if she does anything that she perceives as failing then she just shuts down completely.

Sorry for long reply but I now see how if you are SUPER competitive that it can actually paralyze you from doing THE BIG THINGS - especially if you have the thought process of #2 is just the first loser - if you are not number 1 then you are a loser - that kind of mentality will paralyze you from doing important tasks

Think about therapy for sure! Hope you get some help & have a great week. Peace ✌️


tmoers123456 t1_irnriom wrote

Therapy Therapy and just when you think you have "IT" all figured out; BAM more therapy is needed.

I have my own theory about how to make a whole new healthier generation but it's one of those theories that would only work if I had magic wand 🪄

1st. Create a "class" in public schools around Jr High that would be basically 2 semesters of group CBT therapy. So that ppl do not enter into adulthood by saying things like "I didn't know that was not a 'normal' way of life" when talking about their childhood. Plus gives kids entering The Teenage Years w some productive tools to handle their feelings, ALL THOSE FEELINGS, instead of creating unhealthy coping mechanisms.

2nd. I think every US citizen when they are old enough to get a drivers permit, they must spend 3 months of a summer living in a 2nd or even 3rd world country. They could have the choice to enter via JROTC or via a communal peace mission like Green Peace or Habitat for Humanity. Which would change the entire landscape of America for generations to come bc it's not just the traveling but the living with while helping a totally different country/culture that opens your mind to a better understanding of "The World" but having spent my Elementry years living in Saudi & my parents taking my sister & me all over places that were not strictly touristy type places but places so different than our own cultures plus places we would probably have not gone to once we were adults. And all of that adds up to TRULY APPRECIATING HOW GOOD WE HAVE IT, where ever we live in the "Western" 1st world places.

Anyway that's my suggestion for helping you stop worrying & how I think ppl could change the generational worrying that plagues most of us in the Western societies.

Peace to you & your✌️