Here’s the thing, the people who complain they didn’t get a chance to explore are the people who are not happy in their relationship to begin with, and rather than do the work to figure out what they want and ask for it, it’s easier to blame their circumstances.

But you can figure out what you want while in a relationship. If you’re happy and she’s happy, why predict problems that you don’t currently feel? Instead work to build your relationship, and over time see how it goes. Sure it might not work out but that’s true if you have dated a lot or a little. It sounds more like she’s afraid of committing to you and getting hurt, so she’s using this issue to address that fear.

Sounds like you’ve internalized negative judgements of the male body that you’ve heard from some people you know. You need to talk to more people and also maybe a therapist. There are lots of women (and men) that find male bodies attractive as fuck.

Yep, you sharing your vulnerable feelings is a good idea, but not with someone who uses that against you. I mean it might be good to work out why you were bother by him and his gf, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to do that with him since he reacts so poorly.

Read up on gaslighting and it’s impact too. It’s an especially toxic form of defensiveness that can really mess you up long term. And it sounds like your brother does that to you.

It’s good you’ve been learning about emotions but considering what you’ve shared and how you’ve been treated you probably would benefit from learning how to set boundaries, how to resolve conflict in healthy ways, how to recognize and avoid abusive or untrustworthy people, how to trust in a healthy way, and how to make sure you’re trustworthy as well as it doesn’t sound like your family has been great at teaching you those things.

Then I’m side eyeing your therapist. Because giving someone like that a letter won’t help. Consider looking for a therapist that specializes in helping people recover from and deal with emotional abuse, specifically gaslighting and narcissistic abuse. What you describe is extremely toxic, doubly so having grown up being treated that way. If I may ask, what are you seeing the therapist for and what type of treatment are they providing, cbt, talk therapy, meds?

Google defensiveness in relationships as that’s what your brother is doing. He’s trying to make it so uncomfortable for you, so you shut up and he gets his way rather than work with you to find a solution youre both comfortable with. You can’t work out problems with someone like that. It’s emotional abuse and it’s not ok.

Reading your other comments, it sounds like the rush of it all is driving you to distraction. So yes it calms back down to normal, but it can take a bit before it does, hormones can be a bitch. So cold showers, exercise til exhaustion, and spanking the monkey can help. But what you’re feeling is to be expected, and with time it’ll go from this to compatibility and love or you’ll realize you’re not compatible and move on.

It’s one of the first stages of a relationship, infatuation. It’s normal, it’s what encourages you to get to know someone more. In general, as you spend more time together it’ll wear off and it’ll be either replaced by indifference or annoyance and you’ll break up, or by love and emotional connection and you’ll stay together.

> She actually did say since she has a job that pays 175k a year I should be making more than her and admitted that is the whole reason she is not showing me affection

So say if shes working full time AND caring for the kids AND doing housework while you’re just working? That point then wouldn’t be about money but about equity. There’s not enough context here to know what’s going on.

And you don’t stay and put up with crap, all that does is teach your kids to put up with crap. Get a divorce, joint custody, and give them 50% of their time in a happy home and therapy to address the rest. That’s better than 100% of their time in an unhappy home.

> We saw a therapist

That doesn’t mean anything. How long did you go, who decided to stop going?

> and the reason she is not giving me physical attention is because I don’t make enough money

That sounds like an exaggeration or a straw man scapegoat tactic, what were HER words she used to explain it? And none of that addresses my point as I said YOU should talk to a therapist, not as a couple, but YOU. You’re the one who seems to have the issue, cheated on the first, and can’t make it work or picked a bad one for the second. Figure YOURself out and see what to do from there.

Often those who cheat struggle to address conflict, boundaries, and negotiate for their needs with in a relationship. And that could still be what’s going on now, but instead of cheating youve just built up resentment. So it might be good for you to talk to a therapist to figure that out. And if your current wife is as aweful as you say, then a therapist can help you better decide how you want to handle the situation moving forward.