trishsf t1_jegoyi0 wrote

Really? You aren’t compatible. These aren’t issues. They are major differences in what you each want out of life. Break up. Do not let his miserable self who hates his life and can’t afford rent to move in. Read this back and pretend a stranger wrote it. The answer is obvious.


trishsf t1_jegfggo wrote

Nope. Of course you aren’t comfortable with your gf going to a hotel room with another guy. You could have asked where she was going and picked her up though. I think you ended the conversation because you were put off. I don’t blame you but don’t say you couldn’t pick her up. All you had to do was ask where she was going.


trishsf t1_jegevck wrote

Two choices. Ask him why he said he was a banker when he’s not. A project manager makes financial decisions and it sounds as if he also is involved in getting initial investments. But. He lied. It’s recent. I would move on. I wouldn’t even trust that you actually know what his job is.


trishsf t1_jeg51lk wrote

Truth? You can’t bring this up without hurting his feelings. You don’t just think he’s a bit dirty. You think that every part of his body is smelly and disgusting. You can say that smoky smell and taste is a turn off for you and that is fair. I don’t think that would hurt his feelings. You can say that good hygiene is a big deal to you.


trishsf t1_jef4fa6 wrote

This isn’t okay. Here’s the real question. Is this a dealbreaker? It would be for me. I would be clear. I will not be the sole support for us. I can’t be. She has no business doing anything but looking for a job right now. You need to have a serious discussion. Don’t give any ultimatum that you aren’t willing to follow through on. I’m sorry this is happening.


trishsf t1_jeezeie wrote

You can’t help an addict. The only person who can help is the addict. He has to want to be sober. Then he would need to commit to sobriety. I really suggest Nar-anon. Ask your therapist about it. It would really give you more insight into the mind of an addict (scary place) and help you realize that you are powerless in this situation.


trishsf t1_jeek7qo wrote

I’m sober. Nobody OD’d because of you or drank themselves into a hole over you. It’s what we do and it has nothing to do with you. You obviously are in a pattern of choosing men with addiction issues. First. Go to Al-anon or Nar-anon. It’s for people who love addicts or alcoholics. You will learn so much. The most important thing you will learn is that you can’t fix these people. We have to want sobriety. I would suggest seeing a therapist. You do not want to build a life with an addict or alcoholic. We destroy everything good in our paths. We lie cheat and steal to get what we need. It’s a terrible life and it never ends well. Leave this relationship. Go to some meetings. See a therapist.


trishsf t1_jaemxdo wrote

It’s been 2 months. He’s not a texter. Accept that. This isn’t about commitment. It’s early days. Of course he’s not fully committed. You can’t fall for someone and expect them to change. It sounds as if you are pushing too hard too early in the relationship.


trishsf t1_jaekvlr wrote

I would reach out and ask to see him. You two grew up together so there’s an enormous amount of history so I would hope because of that, he’d be willing to sit down and talk. Tell him everything you have said here. Then you listen because he’s shattered and you need to honor that. You didn’t do anything wrong but he still gets to be hurt. He may need some space but absolutely put your cards on the table. I think you start with… I made the biggest mistake of my life. You probably did need it though because it’s made it very clear that what you want is what you walked away from. You’ll regret it if you don’t try everything you can to just sit down and pour out your feelings.