trishsf

trishsf t1_jacsml3 wrote

You aren’t compatible. You can’t turn him into the ambitious man you want. He’s not going to change anytime soon if ever. I wouldn’t spend your 20s waiting around for something that isn’t likely to happen. You’ve grown up and he hasn’t.

1

trishsf t1_j6p699z wrote

I have this strange observation. If you can make it past 12 years of marriage, it’s likely to last. I can’t count the number of couples that got divorced year 11 or 12. Here’s what I know. Divorce sucks. I had to leave because he became a very angry man so I left for the kids after giving him many chances to get help. Every time the therapist turned the conversation to his issues, he bailed. You have a great foundation. Would you be able to get past this if you worked together to regain that magic that brought you together? If so, fight with everything you have. Divorce sucks even when you have no other choice.

2

trishsf t1_j6p51qd wrote

He’s thrown you across the room. He’s hit you. He’s verbally abused you. I’m sorry but there isn’t enough money in the world that makes that acceptable. He’ll pay child support because that’s the law. It’s not okay to raise kids in a household that is EVER violent. If you have a son, he’ll become abusive. If you have a daughter, she’ll end up with one. Ask anyone who was raised around that.

1

trishsf t1_j6oz2wh wrote

Why would you want to stay with someone who is sick but refuses to leave the house to get help? Seriously. That’s depression way past the point that anyone who isn’t a professional can help. It’s like saying I know I have cancer and that if I treat it, I’ll be healthy but I’m not going to treat it.

2

trishsf t1_j6oxavd wrote

He’s abusive. You are raising your children to either be abusive or to end up in an abusive relationship. He’s verbally abusive. He’s physically abusive. He’s emotionally abusive. You don’t make him any of that. He’s a monster. Call a local domestic violence hotline and ask for help. They will guide you through leaving safely. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your children. The kids he hates. That’s not your fault either. He’s a monster. You aren’t even a little bit of the problem unless you stay. You don’t have the right to raise children in this environment. I know. I left for my kids.

2